In my personal opinion, it’s harder to break up with a friend than it is to break up with a romantic partner. I mean, a friendship doesn’t require monogamy and tends to be more casual, so it’s harder to really pinpoint the ways a friendship is harmful or bad, and then it’s even more difficult to sever ties. However, it’s sometimes very necessary.
Here are signs that your friend is toxic and you would be better off without them.
Your Conversations Are Always About Her
Whenever you get together, she pushes the conversations to be about her life, things she cares about, and her problems. Even when you try to share something of your own, she finds a way to redirect the conversation to be about her.
She Doesn’t Celebrate Your Successes
She never is really happy for you when you accomplish something. For example, you get a promotion and she finds a way to make it seem like you didn’t deserve it, or like it’s not a big deal at all. She doesn’t want you to feel successful or good about yourself.
She Talks Trash About Your Other Friends
Whenever you mention another friend or bring her to an event with other friends of yours, she later picks apart their characteristics or finds something that she doesn’t like about them. She, in reality, just doesn’t like the idea of you potentially liking other people more than her.
She Teases You By Being Mean
Naturally, friends tend to tease each other a little, but teasing shouldn’t leave you feeling hurt. She picks at your insecurities or tries to create new ones with mean comments, and then dismisses your hurt feelings by saying she was “just kidding.”
She Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries
You could make it clear that you’re busy and have a big work presentation the next day, and she’ll still call you at 2 a.m. with a piece of her drama and demand your attention. She doesn’t care if she disrupts your life and well-being for the sake of her own.
She Guilt Trips You
As a general rule, guilt-tripping is a toxic behavior. She’ll bully you into doing things you don’t want to by bringing up something you’ve done in the past, like miss an event, and constantly says “you owe her.”
She’s Weirdly Competitive With You
She can’t stand to see you do better than her in any aspect of life. Every guy you meet together has to like her more than you. I once had a friend get angry with me for getting a better course grade in a college class we both shared. It’s toxic and weird.
She Puts You Down In Front Of Others
She’ll especially do this when she wants to seem more impressive. You’ll go out and meet some guys and, instantly, she’s spouting embarrassing things about you to make you seem less appealing. She’s willing to throw you under the bus for anything, and it’s toxic.
She Constantly Bails On You
Obviously, there are times where things just come up, but she consistently cancels on you at the last minute (sometimes for other people) without any regard for how she’s wasted your time or ruined your ability to make other plans. However, she’d get angry at you for doing the same.
She Talks About You Behind Your Back
You constantly hear things she’d said about you from other people—often they’re negative, and sometimes they aren’t even true. She wants to control other people’s perceptions of you because she, once again, hates the idea of anyone liking you more than her.
She Only Reaches Out When She Wants Something
You’ll go weeks or months without hearing from her, or she’ll be barely responsive to your messages, but the second she wants something from you, whether it be emotional support, help with a task, or she wants you to do something, she’s hitting you up.
She Uses Things You’ve Told Her Against You
Obviously, you want to confide in your friends and get their advice, but she holds onto the information to use it against you, blackmailing you into doing what she wants.
She Openly Picks Apart Your Life Decisions
Nothing you do is right—she doesn’t like your clothes, your career choices, the people you date, your hobbies, or pretty much anything you do—and she doesn’t hesitate to critique you without you even asking.
She’s Never There For You When You Need Her
You’re always there for her when she’s going through something difficult, but she never returns the favor when you’re in distress. In fact, she’s rarely empathetic and frequently dismissive of your emotions.
She Holds You To Different Standards Than Herself
She’ll expect you to do things for her, act in a certain way, and treat her with a certain level of respect, but she doesn’t do the same for you. If you ever treated her the way she treats you, she would throw a fit.
You Feel Bad About Yourself After Spending Time With Her
Sometimes, the best way to figure out if you’re in a bad friendship is to trust your gut. Hanging out with a friend shouldn’t leave you feeling off worse than you did before.
She’s Always A Victim
In every situation in her life, whether it’s professional, romantic, or platonic, she is the victim in the conflict. She never seems to be able to take accountability for her complicity in her own problems, always blaming external circumstances or other people.
You Feel Like Her Friendship Is Very Conditional
Despite you being friends for a long time or supposedly being best friends, you feel like doing one or two things that she doesn’t like will cause her to drop you as a friend.
None Of Your Other Friends Like Her
Kind of like how you should trust your friends if they all hate your boyfriend, there’s something to be said when none of your other friends seem to like this one person.
You’re Better Off When She’s Not Around
When you spend time with other friends and spend less time with her, you feel more confident in yourself, tend to enjoy your life more, and feel much less stressed, and all around just better. Removing a toxic person from your life always leaves you feeling better in the long run.