We apologize in advance to all your current and future partners because we’re about to inspire with some of the pettiest revenge plans that might not kill your relationship instantly, but do it enough times and they’ll resent you for it.
This petty behavior is further proof that no matter how long you’ve been together, even if you claim to be in love, if they piss you off, there’s no better satisfaction than getting some sort of revenge back.
Keeps Them Occupied
You could waste two hours arguing and going to bed angry, or you can keep them distracted for two hours like you would with a child.
Then, you can watch from a far and laugh to yourself, then go to bed smiling.
Teamwork With The Ghosts
Why let it go and just sleep it off when you can have the last word and ruin his night a little more?
Let him panic for a few days thinking the spirits are haunting your home.
Sharing Is Not Caring
Whoever came up with the saying “sharing is caring” clearly wasn’t thinking about food.
Somehow the universal rules of sharing food is that the girlfriend/wife never wants to share but will also somehow steal all of her boyfriend’s/husband’s food.
The Game Of Life
He may just be playing a simple video game for a distraction but his wife is playing at something much bigger: the game of life.
Frankly by our standards, she’s also winning this round.
Good Luck Cleaning That Up
If you’ve ever hosted a New Year’s Eve party then you’re likely very familiar with the hardship of trying to pick up glitter.
This may be the most evil revenge plan on this list.
Never Gets Old
It turns out that we don’t ever grow out of our pettiness. In fact, we just get more creative over time.
Find out what they love most and master how to ruin it!
That’ll Teach Her
We can just picture the poor girl now walking through the home, carefully taking every step as the next might put her face to face with a spider.
Spider phobia is real! They even have a name for it, it’s “arachnophobia.” Ever heard of it?
It’s Gettin’ Hot In Here
Now the hot temperature of her home can match her blood boiling from whatever her husband did.
If he wasn’t sweating already because she was mad, he will be now.
Worse Than Blueberry Muffins
You know that feeling when you get excited because you think you’re about to bite into a warm chocolaty muffin only to realize it’s made of blueberries?
There’s a time and place for healthier alternatives.
Make Him Work Harder
Fellow parents probably looked at this and had traumatizing flashbacks of buttoning up an entire onesie only to get to the last button and realize that you missed one and have to start all over.
Why do they even make buttons on baby clothes?
Kill ‘Em With Health
You could kill ’em with kindness, or you could wait until the end of a long day knowing all they crave is a greasy burger, and then serve them a salad.
We think that if they piss you off then you shouldn’t even have to still cook for them in the first place.
Charcuterie Board For One
I never understood what separates “fancy salami” from “regular” salami but clearly one looks prettier than the other on a charcuterie board—and costs more.
Hence why boyfriends have to earn the “fancy salami” and can have it taken away when they’re annoying.
A Special Celebration
On the bright side, maybe he’ll actually plan a nice romantic date and she’ll get a free dinner out of it. It would make up for pissing her off.
We recommend keeping a calendar with all anniversaries written down to avoid situations like this.
Did you know that “irregardless” is a word sometimes used in place of regardless or irrespective, but isn’t always recognized as a real word?
It has caused controversy since the early twentieth century, even though the word appeared in print as early as 1795.
Closer To The Expiry Date
It’s not just two bottles of the same condiment now that are close to their expiry date but also this marriage.
Not to mention, that is quite the waste of money. It may only be a $3 bottle but add that up and that’s a whole bottle of wine that you could’ve had instead.
Near, Far, Wherever You Are
You could try leaving your home hoping that some space apart will have you coming back feeling better.
However, if your wife is this level of petty, it doesn’t matter where you escape to, she will find you, and she will exercise her pettiness.