Navigating adulthood is a challenge, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and making friends. We never want to think that the people we surround ourselves with are actually manipulative or toxic, but a healthy trait is knowing when to walk away and save ourselves a long-term headache.
Women on Reddit are sharing the red flags that a woman isn’t worth befriending, and it’s important information we should all know.
The Reddit Post
When it comes to toxic boyfriends or mothers-in-law, we all know the red flags. But what about a woman you’ve just met or have only been friends with for a short while?
User lettuceown took to the Ask Women subreddit and asked, “Women, what are some red flags in another woman that wouldn’t make you want to befriend them?”
You’re Her Personal Therapist
Are you always willing to lend an ear if your new friend needs to vent? Bet you can’t say the same thing about her and things often feel one-sided.
She expects you to be her own private therapist who’s always on call and ready to assist. From relationships, to work, and other drama, you’ve heard the same problems time and time again and she sounds like a broken record.
Your Problems Are Never Her Concern
So while you’re always ready to help your friend, when you reach out to her about needing advice or wanting to vent, she immediately changes the subject.
“When I tried setting a boundary saying, ‘I’m here for your issues but when we hang out could we talk and do other things?’ She said, ‘Not everything is about you, I have problems in my life I want to talk about.’ After I said that she completely cut me out of her life.” —watermelonsugar420 / Reddit
I Am The Main Character
This new friend might think that life is an episode of Friends or Grey’s Anatomy and that the world is their stage. They’re overdramatic and need to constantly be the center of attention.
If you hear her say, “I don’t like drama,” it’s actually a keyword for “I love drama”—and much like a spider spinning a web, if you’re not careful, you could find yourself entangled.
She’s “Not Like Other Girls”
“‘Women just don’t like me because they’re jealous. I only hang out with guys because they’re never dramatic hehe.’ She’s insecure and will take those insecurities out on you because other women are her enemy. The prettier or more traditionally feminine you tend to be, the more she’ll probably feel threatened by you.” —midwesternwinds / Reddit
What is a “pick-me girl”? She’s a person who seeks male validation and insists she’s “not like other girls” (spoiler alert: she’s worse).
Your Accomplishments Aren’t Worth Celebrating
Did you recently graduate from college? Did you and your longtime boyfriend finally get engaged? Did you receive a big promotion at work that you worked hard for?
Nope, your friend isn’t having any of it. Toxic friends won’t be happy with your accomplishments or celebratory life events because they’re jealous that it’s not happening to them.
She’s Two-Faced Or Fake
“I had to dump a long-time friend because…it just got worse and worse. She would talk down about her close friends and immediately and easily tell me their secrets.” —B10kh3d / Reddit
If she’s an angel one minute but is then a trash-talking devil in disguise the next, it’s a giant red flag. If she tells you the secrets of another person that seem like they were meant to be in confidence and not front-page news, then she’ll probably do the same to you if you ever tell her a juicy secret.
She’s Flakier Than A Bowl Of Corn Flakes
You and your new friend made plans to check out this trendy bar after work one Friday. It’s now 6:30 p.m., and not only is she very late, but she hasn’t texted you back regarding whether she’s even coming.
If she’s canceling plans on you last minute with no advanced warning, or even forgets them altogether with no apology, it’s a clear sign that she doesn’t value you or your time.
Life Is A Competition
Did your significant other just surprise you with a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates? You’ll probably be excited to share it with your friends or post it on social media, but your new toxic friend won’t be happy and she’ll probably feel the need to one-up you.
To her, life is a competition, and coming in second place is not an option.
Internalized Misogyny Is Her Poison Of Choice
There are a lot of misogynists out there, and oftentimes, our biggest enemies are other women. Women who can’t support each other are probably people you don’t want to be friends with.
For example, if a woman is the victim of sexual harassment or misogyny, a toxic woman might immediately defend the male creeps and blame her for what happened, claiming that it was somehow her fault and “she was asking for it.”
You Learned That She’s “The Other Woman”
“If they are knowingly the mistress to a married man. If they could do that to one woman, they could do it to me and I wouldn’t trust her around my man.” —Mystique111Divine / Reddit
They don’t even have to be married, but if they intentionally break up a relationship and take pride in doing so, that’s a red flag to sever the friendship because your own romantic relationship could be next.
She Rudely Judges People
From makeup to clothes and haircuts, every woman has her own style, but sometimes, that makes her the target of unwanted criticism.
“The second one did it for me when I made a new fast friend. We went to a concert and she was audibly making rude comments about other women’s choices. I was taken aback! Who cares if the woman wanted to wear make-up and wedges?” —rose_colored_boy / Reddit
Just Telling It Like It Is
Meanness or cruelty is often a dead giveaway to a person’s true colors. So if she uses phrases like “I’m just being honest” or “If you can’t handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best” as justification for treating people poorly, then you need to break up with your new friend.
No, Courtney, you’re not “telling it like it is.” You just suck.
“Women Just Don’t Like Me”
“If a woman tells me that she doesn’t have a lot of women friends and her reasoning is ‘women just don’t like me,’ I will avoid her. Every woman I’ve ever met that has ever said something along those lines has been a dumpster fire of a human.” —_so_anyways_ / Reddit
If her inner circle of friends is testosterone-heavy and it’s because women apparently don’t like her, then there’s probably a reason for that.
The biggest red flags include women who—instead of being sympathetic—compare traumas and attempt to outdo yours by turning it into a misery competition. This includes when they make vague posts on social media to get attention, such as “I’m not going to name names, but I’m literally so sick and tired of somebody.”
“It’s a narc ploy. We all have traumas you don’t need to try and one-up my unspoken [stuff] by bludgeoning me with yours.” —WineOutOfNowhere / Reddit
Making friends as an adult can be a challenge, and healthy relationships (whether platonic or romantic) can take time to form.
But if a woman is being way too friendly toward you, such as calling you her “bestie” despite barely knowing her, then perhaps it’s best to take a big step back. This is especially true if she’s also trying to pry for personal details.
They’ll Exhibit Any And All Of These Traits
This can be applied to any gender, but if a person is narcissistic, petty, rude, inconsiderate, unwilling to listen/give advice, or takes things you do too seriously or as a threat, then it’s probably a dead giveaway to high-tail it out of your new friendship.
Whether you’ve been friends for 10 years or only a couple of months, friends should be there to support and love you—so be aware of these red flags, but also try this instead.
Ditch The Red Flags And Instead Look For “Green Flags”
“I stopped looking for red flags (we all have them whether you want to admit it or not) and started looking for green flags. Ok, this girl seems to avoid drama – check. Can hold a decent conversation – check.”
“Enjoys similar hobbies/we can do a common activity together – check. If you look for the bad you’ll find the bad, try to look for the good instead.” —whoops-1771 / Reddit