Questions Your LGBTQ Friends Are Tired Of Being Asked

As humans, we're naturally curious, especially when it comes to things that we're unfamiliar with or haven't had a lot of exposure to. If you identify as straight, it's likely that you have questions for your friends who identify as LGTBQ+, but it can also be a sensitive subject depending on what you're asking.

The important thing to remember is that just because you want to know the answer to something, that doesn't mean this person you met five minutes ago is going to be comfortable with telling you their life's story.

"Who's The Guy/Girl In The Relationship?"

female same sex couple
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sharon McCutcheon
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sharon McCutcheon

The entire point is that there isn't someone who is "the guy" and someone whose "the girl" in the relationship. If you want to talk about relationship roles, talk about your own and see what information the person volunteers.

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"Do You Know My Friend Who's Also Gay?"

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Stanley Dai
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Stanley Dai
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Just like how you shouldn't ask a person of color if they also happen to know your friend who is a person of color, you shouldn't ask someone of a certain sexuality that question. Not all heterosexual people know each other, just like not all gay or trans people know each other. That's not how it works.

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"How Do You Know For Sure?"

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Yoann Boyer
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Yoann Boyer
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In the same way that you know that you're heterosexual. It can be confusing for people to understand if, for example, a bisexual woman says she's only been with men before. That doesn't make her identity any less legitimate.

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"What About Having Children?"

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jana Sabeth
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jana Sabeth
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This is often a question posed to gay or lesbian couples, and while it's a legitimate question, it's also not your question to ask. There are so many ways to have children, more than just your traditional pregnancy, that many queer or heterosexual couples can choose to use.

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"How Did Your Family React?"

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Christian Buehner
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Christian Buehner
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This is almost always asked with good intentions, but it can be a very sensitive or personal topic for the person you're asking. If it's someone you're already close with, then you might feel comfortable asking them, but avoid asking someone you just met unless they choose to share that with you.

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If You're Asexual, "So You're Celibate?"

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Timur Romanov
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Timur Romanov
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That's not how this works. If someone is celibate, it's a choice they're making, often for moral or religious reasons. But asexuality isn't a choice. Sure, yes, you are technically celibate as in not sexually active, but it's not the same thing.

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Don't Ask A Bisexual Person If They're Actually Just Gay

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Milan Popovic
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Milan Popovic
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Being bisexual is not a stepping stone on the way to coming out as gay, nor is it a way for a person to "play both fields" simply because they want to.

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"Will You Be My Gay Best Friend?"

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Photo Credit: Unsplash
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Please don't project this kind of stereotype onto a friend of yours who identifies as gay. If you're going to be best friends with someone, it shouldn't be because of their sexual orientation.

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Instead, Talk About Your Own Relationship

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bruno Aguirre
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bruno Aguirre
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The best way to understand what people are most comfortable talking about is to talk about your own experiences and see what information the people around you choose to volunteer. It's the same as any other conversation.

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It Always Depends On The Person

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Eliott Reyna
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Eliott Reyna
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Some people are very forthcoming when it comes to sharing information about their personal life, their upbringing, or their relationship, and others aren't. It's no different with people who identify as LGBTQ+.