Men And Women Are Sharing The Serious Problems That Are Often Overlooked By Society
There are a lot of challenges we face in life, and some are harder than others. While recent social movements have brought these issues to the forefront, many others stay hidden in the shadows, as do the people who struggle with them.
From physical and mental health to social norms and gender stereotypes, men and women on Reddit are sharing the issues they believe are often overlooked by society, and while opening up an important conversation, their responses are heartbreaking.
Ladies First
Reddit user MINNESOTAKARMATRAIN_ posed the question to the Ask Reddit community, “What are some women’s issues that are overlooked?”
Users were candid with their answers, and while covering a diverse range of serious topics, it proved that while sometimes it feels like we’re going through these problems alone, there are lots of other women out there feeling the same pain. It’s opened an important conversation, so here’s what they shared.
When Doctors Are Not In Your Corner
A common problem that women shared is going to their doctor to seek help, often related to sexual health, only to have their concerns and requests (such as getting one’s tubes tied or being put on/taken off birth control) dismissed. Sometimes these procedures are held hostage due to a doctor's misguided belief that the pain is imaginary, they might want children someday, or what a woman’s relationship status is.
“I don’t get this at all. Do they really think we just impulsively seek surgical removals of our organs like a handbag? If you’re asking for it, you’ve probably given it some thought…” one user wrote.
My Body, My Choice
It seems as if even though one’s right to bodily autonomy and choice is paramount, many women have learned that it’s often not the case, and this nightmare scenario came true for one woman.
Due to reoccurring fibroid tumors, she wanted a hysterectomy, but her doctor refused. She wrote, “I don’t want to keep doing this over and over and would like to have a hysterectomy, yet my surgeon refuses because I’m young and ‘might want children.’ If I get pregnant, I have a high risk of miscarriage. It will eat me alive if that happens to me.”
Birth Control
From oral contraceptives to IUDs and condoms, there is a vast array of birth control options out there. “The pill” is one of the most common forms of birth control for women, but like any medication, it’s not without its side effects.
“How bad some of the negative effects hormonal birth control can be. I was losing my mind, but my doctor brushed it off saying I was just stressed,” wrote one user. “Got off it, and instantly felt so much better.”
PMS And Mood Swings
It’s no secret that PMS can cause irritability, bloating, and even mood swings in a woman. While this is just an (unfair) fact of life, one user noted that even if it’s true, someone else pointing it out and belittling them is always inexcusable.
“I have been told because I’ve been angry, irritated, depressed, because of hormones, I’m on my period...by family members. It’s f****** irritating, invalidating, and demeaning.”
Postpartum Mental Health
There’s a whole cache of health problems that can arise after a woman gives birth, as pregnancy takes a massive toll on a woman’s body. But, it’s not the only thing that can be impacted after pregnancy.
One woman shared, “[Postpartum depression] is so much more common than people think but many mothers feel too guilty to reach out for help because they think everything is supposed to be amazing after getting the baby.”
Sexual Assault
We’ve all heard the stories before. A woman is sexually assaulted, and instead of blame being placed on her attacker, she herself is victim-blamed, humiliated, and shamed. It’s why only one in five survivors reports the assault to law enforcement.
“When women are sexually assaulted people say stuff like ‘why did the girl go in front of guys? Why did the girls go out at night? Why did the girl wear short dresses in front of guys?’” one user wrote. “I hope one day girl blaming will come to an end.”
Healing Takes Time
When affected by a traumatic event, there is no playbook for how someone will process their emotions, nor how long it will take. Everyone is different, and healing requires patience and time.
“I’ve been in therapy for 4 years, read a hundred books on healing, gone to retreats, etc. and I’m sitting there this Saturday in a circle of women who are about to talk and cry for 6 hours on a Saturday… like what are our rapists doing right now?” one user wrote. “Cause they aren’t sitting in a circle talking about their feelings trying desperately to feel good in life again.”
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome And Endometriosis
Two often overlooked disorders are polycystic ovary syndrome and endometriosis. The former can cause prolonged or infrequent periods, which can lead to the ovaries failing to release eggs, and a slew of future health problems such as infertility or diabetes. The latter is a painful disorder where the kind of tissue that lines the uterus grows on the outside of the uterus. With each menstruation cycle, this tissue breaks down and bleeds, but because it’s trapped, it causes pain and even cysts or fertility issues.
“‘One day, you’ll wake up and find a little bit of blood in your underpants. And that is the day you become a woman,’” wrote one user. “Yeah no. I woke up to a scene from 'Godfather.'”
Appearances Matter
Another commonly overlooked problem women shared didn’t involve their physical or mental health, but their physical appearance. Some shared that from hair and makeup to their wardrobe selection, the way they looked directly affected how other people treated them.
“My own mom used to be nicer to me whenever I had my hair styled, makeup on, feminine outfit chosen. Otherwise, she’d be [snippy] at me or insult my appearance,” one user shared.
Left Out Of The Conversation
The final and often overlooked issue was actually suggested by a man on behalf of his girlfriend, and it’s something many of us unfortunately might be too familiar with. He shares that when he’s running errands with his girlfriend, such as buying a new car, renting an apartment, or taking out a loan, people often ignore her and assume she’s unimportant.
“We were at the car dealers the other day looking at the car and the dealer kept ignoring her and her wishes. He was only looking at me and assumed she doesn't know what she is talking about," he explained. "We just left."
Men, Now It’s Your Time To Share
User slowskyincog22 posed the same question to Ask Reddit, and asked men to share "What are some men's issues that are overlooked?"
Much like the post about women, this thread was also trending on Reddit, and it gave a heartfelt glimpse into the issues men feel should be discussed more.
Be A Man
“Insecurity in general," one user shared. "You’re not supposed to show that you have doubts or worries about your abilities or self-image. A man is supposed to be confident, able, and self-assured. It’s not okay for men to admit that they lack self-esteem, or that they have genuine problems with their self-image, as they are seen as weaknesses in and of themselves.”
Another user responded, “This is why as a male...I will always try to compliment other males. Do this to everyone and they will be happier and you make the world a better place.”
Isolation And Loneliness
Many men shared their experiences with loneliness, and how they don't have close friends. Others shared how difficult it is to make new friends as an adult, and how men tend to become more isolated as they grow older.
“Crushing, black, empty, cold, never-ending, screaming-into-the-void loneliness and everyone's casual shrug when I even hint about it,” one user wrote. “Just work, pay taxes, walk the dog, keep your mouth shut, don't have feelings, don't be short, try to keep up appearances of virility, and never, ever, whatever you do, don't let anyone know how lonely you are because they'll just sort of awkwardly giggle and change the subject.”
Men Can Be Victims Of Abuse, Too
As we already addressed, most women who are sexually assaulted never report the attack to the police. With that in mind, it’s important to realize that men can also be victimized—and they’re even less likely to report due to the intense stigma attached and therefore suffer in silence.
“Abuse from women/other men. We're told to just take it and toughen up, it builds character, puts hair on the chest, etc. and we don't need support or a helping hand,” shared one user. “F*** that.”
Mental Health
Another overlooked issue men shared involves mental health. There is an intense stigma attached to admitting to suffering from a mental illness and needing therapy or medication, and men are often taught to bury their emotions and “get over it.”
“The fact that people ridicule and laugh at you for having depression is something we ALL need to talk about,” one user shared. “It isn’t funny. Depression is real and the fact that so many are choosing to keep it within is simply disturbing.”
Children Of Men
While women are typically seen as their child’s primary caregivers, it’s a huge pet peeve when men are referred to as “babysitting” their own children. But unfortunately, the gender bias when it involves men and kids doesn’t stop there, as some users shared.
Many men shared their experience with playing with their own children or nieces/nephews in a park, helping a lost child, or men whose job it is to work with kids, only to be accosted by strangers who wonder why they’re there and automatically assume the worst.
Paternity Leave
Every country has its own policies for paid/unpaid maternity and paternity leave. While some nations (and even companies) have good policies in place, others are virtually nonexistent, and some men pointed out that a father being allowed time off to bond with his new baby is crucial, but often overlooked.
“The miserable paternity leaves. Cause what man wants to spend time with his newborn kid and a recovering wife right!”
A Man’s Manhood
In order to be a “real man,” men are told that they have to be able to perform in bed. As one user described it, erectile dysfunction is like “losing the ability to love, losing your manhood, losing your ability to feel intimate with someone.”
Another user pointed out that it’s a medical condition that’s far more common than people realize, and more people should be educated about it.
A Support System
“Just because a guy has people that he hangs out with, doesn't mean he's comfortable telling them serious personal issues,” one user shared.
Humans are social creatures, and everyone needs a person they can trust and talk to. Some problems in life are so great that no one should have to face them alone.
