Grow Your Own Boyfriend So People Finally Stop Asking Why You’re Single
If you're over dating, but, with the holidays coming up, you know every family dinner will center around "when are you bringing a date home?" we're here to help.
We have found you a boyfriend you can literally mold yourself, so you can tell them you have one without any of the work of actually having one.
The Boyfriend Who Only Needs Water
Let's face it: boyfriends are actually giant needy babies. Have you seen a man with a cold? It's like he forgets how to walk. To grow this boyfriend, all you need is free water, and it grows to 6 times its original size, to approximately 12 inches.
It will never grow enough to talk back or text other women behind your back, though.
No Messy Breakups
This boyfriend begins to grow in 2 hours, reaching its full size in 72 hours. But the best part is that when you're sick of him, you just dry him out.
And then when you miss him, you can water him and use him again. Come and go as you please and never have to deal with 30 missed calls asking you when you'll be home.
"A Lover That's Made To Order"
Until we reach a day and age where instead of Tinder, we can literally inscribe our whole checklist into a computer and 3-D print a boyfriend with a soul, growing a 12-inch boyfriend will just have to do.
You can gush about him all Christmas dinner long because as its creators say: "it's not pretend when you grow the perfect friend, if you can't get a date, grow the perfect mate!"
