How To Stop Being A Side-Character In Your Own Life

If you’ve spent any amount of time on TikTok ins the past…let’s say 6 months, you’re probably familiar with the concept of living as the “main character” of your own life.

You know that audio about how you’ve got to start romanticizing your own life, and it’s paired with a video of some young woman enjoying her morning coffee in a reading nook in the sunshine? You might not be into it at midnight when you’re doomscrolling the app before bed, but there’s actually something to it!

It’s Time To Be Selfish

tweet about main character energy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @beff1_
Photo Credit: Twitter / @beff1_

The idea behind the trend is that you’re supposed to be living as the main character of your own life rather than acting like the side character best friend who is just there for comedic relief.

Create a life for yourself that you’re happy about and that you’re in love with, because it’s the only life you’re going to have (we’ll leave the conversation about reincarnation for another day). The concept of “main character energy” really isn’t as complex or extra as it may seem on TikTok—unless that extra energy is the vibe you want! Then, by all means, you can romanticize the hell out of every moment of your day.

So How Do You Actually Do It?

woman seated on edge of bridge over water at sunset
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Karsten Winegeart
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Karsten Winegeart

Obviously, every main character story is going to look different depending on the person, but lucky for you, you’re the one writing the script. Plus, you have the added bonus of knowing that it doesn’t matter whether or not Netflix is interested in picking up your show after they watch the pilot episode; you are your own writer, director, financer, and producer, it’s all up to you!

The point of it is to focus on your own life. Stop comparing yourself to others, worrying about what others are doing or what they’ve accomplished in the same 19 years you’ve had, and just focus on yourself.

Let Your Passion Be Your Priority

woman seated at desk holding tablet smiling
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Brooke Cagle
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Brooke Cagle

Figure out what drives you or what makes you excited in life, and then figure out how to make that work for you. This is the point where you could toss in some sort of motivational speech for yourself that focuses around the idea of “if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

Also, I hate to break it to you, but what you can’t do as the main character is completely neglect essential aspects of your life simply because you decide they don’t fit the vibe. You can’t sleep in and skip all of your classes then chalk it up to you being the main character, even if Blair Waldorf never actually went to any of her college classes.

Spend Time Observing Yourself

bored waitress energy instead of main character energy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @linadunham
Photo Credit: Twitter / @linadunham

If you’ve been living your life as the side character who is just waiting around for their three-episode story arc in season two, you need to adjust your thinking.

Spend some time reflecting on yourself and observing your own thoughts and behaviors so you can go back to living your life as the protagonist.

If you’re someone who has never really allowed themselves to be the central figure in their own life, it can seem daunting to make that shift, but I promise, you can do it. Give yourself permission to make that shift.

Remember You Can’t Rewrite Your Story

photo from behind woman seated on swing looking to the right
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tai S captures
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tai S captures

Before you go down a spiral of reflection where you look back at all the things you would have done differently in past seasons, remember that we’re looking forward here.

Main character energy means you’re growing from the mistakes that were made, you’re taking everything into consideration, and you’re moving forward. Focus on the future so you can make changes or decisions that you’ll thank yourself for later on.

Stop Being Your Own Personal Antagonist

main character energy only tweet
Photo Credit: Twitter / @oh_hail_yea
Photo Credit: Twitter / @oh_hail_yea

You can be the main character, you can be the love interest, you can be the comedic best friend if that’s what your heart desires, but what you can’t be is the antagonist of your own life.

If you want to be Cady Heron, you can’t also be the Regina George of the story. You’re never going to be able to move forward or be happy with your life if you’re also the one who is criticizing yourself.

Don’t Do Anything Out Of Insecurity

black and white photo woman looking in mirror putting on makeup
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

Think about why you make some of the decisions you do on a daily basis. Do you dress a certain way because you’re uncomfortable with parts of your body, or do say you agree with an opinion when really you don’t, but you’d just rather not draw attention to yourself?

Stop making decisions that are based on insecurities. You want to be making decisions with confidence. Buy clothing that makes you feel pretty or confident or happy. Voice your opinions loudly because you feel passionate about them. Stand up for yourself if someone is trying to butt in on your storyline while you’re busy having a self-improvement movie montage.

Make The Changes Now, Because No One Else Will

woman smiling in field of flowers
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allef Vinicius
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allef Vinicius

We get that it might seem corny to say that you want to be the main character of your own life or that you’re aspiring to a certain energy, so you can phrase it however you want. The point is, you actually do have to start romanticizing your life—or at the very least, living a life that makes you happy.

If you sit around telling yourself that you’ll be happier six months from now or that you’re going to eventually find hobbies you enjoy, but you aren’t actively pursuing that life and making changes, nothing is going to change.