Woman Explains The Difference Between How Men And Women View Friendship
It's the age-old question: Can men and women really be just friends? Or does one always end up catching feelings and eventually ruining the friendship? It turns out that it all comes down to how differently men and women think of friendships in the first place.
Remember Tumblr? It turns out it's alive and well. In fact, Alara J. Rogers, a Tumblr user, took it upon herself to explain how men and women view friendship, and it went viral. Here's her take.
The Tweet That Started It All
Before we even dive into what Alara J. Rogers (Tumblr user alarajrogers) had to say about this, it doesn't take much to see why this would be controversial, and even offensive.
When Alara J. Rogers saw this, it sparked a realization for her, which she expanded on in a viral Tumblr post.
She Starts By Explaining How Men And Women Deal With Emotion Differently
Rogers' very first thought was, "Oh my God, this actually explains so much." All the times men didn't take no for answer or struggled with rejection started because of this.
In the same way, all the times women felt used by someone they trusted and lost friendships with other men are also about to make sense.
How Women Think Of Friendship
Basically, women's friendships focus on emotional support, so they're used to offering and receiving it. This means that they're used to offering support to both romantic partners and platonic friends.
To women, emotional support is simply the foundation of any relationship, both romantic and platonic.
What Makes A Romantic Partner Vs. A Friend?
The issue is that men and women don't see friendship the same way. If you look one step deeper, it's because men and women don't express emotion the same way.
Women see emotion as part of the connection between anyone they know, while men only attribute it to their romantic partners or potential romantic partners.
She Blames The Patriarchy
It all stems from the same societal expectations. Women are told it's okay to show emotion, and are expected to be emotionally available. Yet men are taught to hide their emotions because it would show weakness or lack of masculinity.
Yet women's emotional support helps them survive better, so both should be able to do it.
The Damage Can Be Physical
You're probably wondering: Why men would stay in these friendships with women that make them jealous and unhappy because they're not romantic? Well, the answer would be that men don't know where else to turn to for emotional support.
In this system, women have each other for support, but men only have women. However, this creates completely unbalanced and unequal relationships.
It Ends Up Hurting Both Parties
This is why friendships between men and women can be so difficult at times. Their expectations and needs are always different. Men end up reading too much into it, while women fear that they're giving them a reason to.
It's sad because a lot of good friendships fail because of this. When men leave because they feel rejected, women feel sad and betrayed by the loss of the friendship.
It Makes Everyone Feel Used
When a friendship is built on such a fragile, one-sided, and unclear foundation, it's no surprise that it doesn't end gently. Often, two people who once cared for one another end up resenting each other.
The woman resents him because she feels like the friendship was all a lie for sex, while the man resents that his support was not rewarded. Both feel used.
She Explains That This Turns Girlfriends Into Commodities
It's not like men do this purposely or want to put that pressure on their girlfriends. It's that this is only the kind of relationship in which they feel safe to be intimate and vulnerable. It's the only emotionally vulnerable relationship that society doesn't give them a hard time about.
Often, it ends up being a release for them for all the times they had to hold onto their emotions.
This Can Have Real Consequences
There are other ways to find physical or sexual release, but emotional release is hard to come by. The accumulation of holding onto negative emotion for so long ends up bottling up for years. Then, it releases in the worst ways possible.
This isn't to say that those who commit such acts aren't to be held accountable, but it does provide a glimpse into what could drive them over the edge.
This Is Still Fixable
Just because this is an issue that is rooted in the structure of society and the patriarchal system, that doesn't mean that it's a lost cause.
All we need to do is break the conditioning of toxic masculinity. We need to make men feel like it's okay to be vulnerable, and that emotion is a strength, not a weakness.
But That'll Require Men Supporting Men
Ironically, men can't completely depend on the emotional support of other women to get through this. That was the whole root of the problem.
This is the time for them to start relying on each other and normalizing it. Once their relationships are built on healthy foundations, that'll naturally domino effect into their friendships with women, too.
What Are Beta Males And Why Are Women Choosing Them Now?
You've heard of alpha males, but are you familiar with betas? They’re the ones who don’t break your heart and that you can actually settle down with. Nice guys, if you will.
There’s a reason that more and more women are trading in the bad boys of their past for these gentlemen. Let us share some of those reasons with you.
Beta Vs. Alpha
Forget about men who spend their every waking minute at the gym only for their arms to look like clouds while their legs look like sticks.
Instead, beta males have a more holistic approach toward life and are careful in how they carry themselves. Instead of impulsively texting you for a one-night stand, they plan dates.
The New Age Of Dating
Tinder may have brought on a hook-up culture, but already since then, even dating apps have started to be used for more serious relationships.
Bad boys don't work for women anymore, and women are looking for men who can actually be emotionally available and respect them.
There's Still Some Stigma
Unfortunately, when some people hear the word "beta" they sometimes think it means weakness.
"My old roommate was the definition of toxic masculinity. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are 'betas,' while he is a ‘biological alpha’ and then proceeded to make fun of out-of-shape people at the gym." —Billiesoceaneyes / Reddit
They're Not Selfish In Bed
A beta male's sole intention in bed isn’t to show off or to be selfish. Instead, he is careful and wants to make sure that you are comfortable and happy.
He doesn't try to get you drunk to take you home. Instead, he actually asks what is okay and what you would rather do.
They're In Tune With Their Emotions
Alpha males have emotions but they think that they need to shove them down in order to be "manly."
Beta males acknowledge that feelings are normal, and even human. They are willing to work on themselves and try their best to communicate and be upfront.
They Don't Feel Threatened
While social media often pushes us to rely on external validation to feed our egos, beta males find security within themselves.
They're comfortable with who they are and where they’re at in life, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not open to challenges without feeling threatened.
They May Be Quiet But They're Confident
Beta males are quiet yet confident.
Don't think beta men are boring. They may be introverts but they’re interesting to the core and once they dabble in a conversation, they’re quite confident in how they carry it forward.
They're Your Knight In Shining Armor
Beta males have a protective instinct, and they genuinely want to look out for your best interests.
They're not necessarily comfortable with being in the spotlight, but they won’t shy away from it if it means protecting you in the process.
They're Interested In More Than Themselves
Alpha males put so much of their lives into seeking validation from others, so they try to be charismatic or good-looking.
The beta male is instead complimented for his charm, good looks, and charisma. A beta male spends his life establishing a foundation of interesting hobbies and creative activities.
They Appreciate The Little Things
Beta males are emotionally in tune enough to recognize when you've gone out of your way to do something nice for them.
This means that your relationship dynamics tend to be equal and they tend to give as much as they take
Commitment Doesn't Make Them Run
If we had to vote on the number one issue we have with men, it's their inability to commit to a relationship. With a beta male, you have no reason to worry about them texting their ex or leaving you for another woman.
They'll always be honest about where they stand and open to the idea of finding a partner to share their life with.
They Actively Try To Respect Women
There has been a movement lately where men have been trying to understand women's experiences more in order to respect them more and give them a better life experience.
Beta males pay attention to these movements and usually always give priority to respect.
Beta Males Don't Need To Always Go Out
Beta males are more often homebodies than big partiers. You never have to worry that they're still holding onto their frat boy ways.
They make for great Netflix buddies and they might even let you get away with a rom-com here and there.
They Make Great Fathers
Beta males make for great models as husbands and fathers. They want their kids to learn how to respect women and break barriers of toxic masculinity.
If they lead by example, their kids will grow up to be just as confident and respectful as they are.
He Doesn't Try To Control You
Beta males actually factor in your opinion. They let you make your needs heard.
In fact, sometimes you might have to pressure them into telling you what they want too because they're consistently prioritizing your wants over theirs.
What Do Beta Men Want?
A beta falls for a woman because of how she makes him feel about himself.
They're not simply trying to fill a void, but genuinely have a craving for companionship that complements and fits into their lifestyle. You can count on them to have the right intentions.
