These men took to Reddit to share the secrets they don’t think women know about. Joke’s on them—women are probably already aware of most of them. But still, we don’t often think about it. Men struggle with dating and have their own set of standards and expectations that they often have to fight against, like never being able to show emotion, for example.
It doesn’t hurt to listen to their reminders. If they can improve their relationships with themselves, they’ll be able to improve their relationships with us.
They Fight Their Own Brains Too
“Many men have anxiety and/or depression, but we will not talk about and will get moderately annoyed at you for bringing it up.” —jamestar1122
Being moody or emotional is often a stereotype we ascribe to women. Yet depression and anxiety don’t recognize gender, and anyone can struggle with them.
They Get Scared To Talk To Women
“Sometimes we don’t talk to people cause we don’t want to intimidate them. I might see a girl with a cool shirt on but I don’t want to make her think I’m coming on to her or something.
“Rather than freak her out that a 6’6″ guy thinks she looks good today, I just leave her alone.” —Hades621
Think of all the missed opportunities and relationships that could’ve sparked. Creepers ruined that by making women have to be constantly on guard.
It’s Not All About Sex, Believe It Or Not
“Sex isn’t all we want in a relationship. I’d rather be with someone who understands me but only does it once in a while than someone who I have sex with every day but don’t connect with emotionally and mentally.” —[deleted]
A physical connection is important, but it’s not everything. Some men truly do crave an emotional bond they can share with a lifelong partner.
They Can’t Always Just “Man Up”
“Please don’t tell us to ‘man up.’ A lot of us were constantly told that growing up whenever we tried to express ourselves so you saying it will often bring up bad memories.” —[deleted]
It’s time to break the old-fashioned standards where men aren’t allowed to show emotion or need support. Life’s hard enough for everybody.
They’d Rather Break An Arm Carrying All The Shopping Bags In One Trip
“If we haven’t carried in all the shopping in one go, we haven’t done it right.” —InevitableSignUp
It’s more efficient and feels like they’re getting a quick workout out of it. Plus it makes it all the more satisfying when they get through the door and don’t have to go back out.
They Fear Making Women Uncomfortable
“I’m always afraid of accidentally making women feel uncomfortable in my presence, for example, when I happen to walk in the same direction as a woman in front of me for a while. and I’m not even interested in women in the first place.” —juicydaddy69
It’s gonna take a while and a whole lot of change before women can feel safe to break the precautions they have to take when walking down the street that men don’t.
They Love A Good Compliment
“If you compliment my appearance, I will probably remember forever. I still remember when a girl in college told me I look nice with my beard when I first grew it out. I’ve had a beard ever since…” —01123581321AhFuckIt
Just like women, men also want to be noticed and made to feel confident. They might not need to put as much effort in as women do, but they’re still human.
They Can Literally Stop Thinking
“We have the magical power of thinking about nothing.” —MrUnoDosTres
So yes, when you’re both going to bed and you’re wondering if he’s thinking of other women, he’s most likely not even thinking. Must be nice to have the ability to have that kind of peace and quiet and not have their minds always racing.
They Don’t See The Point Of Various Sized Towels
“After a shower, we have no problem drying our privates and face with the same towel. Most of the time we try to dry the face first, then the privates. But sometimes we have to go back to the face. We just hope we use an uncontaminated part of the towel.” —prospecthummmer
It doesn’t matter if you buy them a towel set. One towel at least is guaranteed to get misused.
They Appreciate Beauty At Any Age (Even After 30)
“As an older man, we don’t expect you to look like a supermodel as we age together. Yes, at times I do see you as I did 30 years ago and every wrinkle and flaw disappear.
“Yes, there are times I see every wrinkle and flaw, and know how you got every one of them. They are beautiful too.” —Duesizzle
There is beauty to every age. Each of these wrinkles reflects the experience of a life well lived and shared.
They Don’t Think Women Need Makeup
“It’s not uncommon for us to genuinely think you’re beautiful without any makeup.” —Krzysiuu
If all women collectively stopped wearing makeup, then the standard to do it wouldn’t exist anymore. Sure, it emphasizes their traits and makes them feel good, but they’re still beautiful without it.
They Wish Women Would Just Tell Them What They Want Directly
“Saying ‘I almost broke my neck in the driveway’ is not the same as asking us to shovel it. In my mind, I’m thinking thanks for the heads up, I’ll be careful.” —K2000kidd
They don’t want to read your mind, mostly because they’ll likely read it wrong. It’s always a safer bet to directly ask than to hope, assume, or expect.
They Need Their Alone Time Sometimes, Nothing Personal
“When we want to be alone, it’s not that we don’t want to be around you, it’s that we don’t want to be around anyone for a bit.” —aestusveritas
It wouldn’t hurt to give you a heads-up rather than leave you on “read” for three days, but sometimes, we all need our own space to recharge, and that’s not a reflection of our feelings towards anyone.
They Like To Be The Small Spoon Too
“If the big spoon is smaller than you it’s called a jetpack.” —Cyrissist
Sometimes even a grown man just wants to be held in the warm embrace of a woman. Being the little spoon is not gender-specific, let’s let everyone take a turn.
They’re Not Staring, They’re Just Zoned Out
“I’m not staring at you, I’m zoned out thinking about how I’d start a brewery in medieval England whilst my eyes just happen to be facing your direction.” —UVLsystem
Fifty percent of the time, men are not thinking at all of what you think they’re thinking about. It’s almost always comical when they’re honest enough to share what exactly was just going through their heads.
They Have Universal Urinal Rules
“There is an unwritten rule of bathroom urinal etiquette that is never taught to young men, but is somehow universally known.
“When a man enters a public restroom to pee in the urinal, he is to occupy every other available urinal from other urinating men.” —Fcivish4
Unfortunately, this “secret” has been spilled by comedians and in movies all over Netflix.
They Wouldn’t Say No To Getting Flowers Too
“I don’t know if I speak for all men here but…I think it would be kind of cool to receive flowers as a gift.” —tentonshogun
Getting flowers was never really about the flowers (although they’re very aesthetically pleasing, often smell good, and brighten up a room), but more about the fact that someone was thinking of you and wanted to make you smile.
They Crave Affection Too, Especially On A Bad Day
“Dudes can be crazy starved for touch. If you wanna be there for your guy, scratch his head or, like, his back. Hold his hand, put your hand on his leg, do that thing where you guys lock arms/elbows when you walk.
“When I’m frustrated or in my own world stressing about money or what I have to do later that day, it really brings me back and grounds me to enjoy the moment with my girl.” —Thadota7717
See, being “needy” is a thing of the past!
Their Instinct Is To Fix The Problem, Not Just Listen To It
“When people come crying to us, our first inclination is to fix the problem. Since this is (often) not possible, lead with something along the lines of ‘Can I vent for a minute?’ Or anything that signals to us this is just a time for active listening.” —realbadaccountant
It’s not that they don’t think people are justified in their feelings, but it’s because they care that they want to help find a resolution and move on from it.
All Food Is Food
“Oftentimes, we genuinely don’t care where we go to eat because we’re just hungry and want food. Any food. As long as you eat some too.” —Rabidrabitz
They say the way to a man’s heart is his stomach, but they never specified what to put in his stomach. It turns out it can be anything.