Different Ways Your Parents Might Be Affecting Your Relationship And How To Deal With It

Parents meddle in your relationship in many different ways, including through money, verbal criticism, and crossing boundaries. And even though this hurts, some parents do it subconsciously and don’t realize the impact that their words have on your relationships.

Today, we go through some different ways in which your parents negatively impact your relationship with your partner, and what you can do about it.

Parents May Be Messing With Your Relationship Subconsciously

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Photo Credit: Becca Tapert / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Becca Tapert / Unsplash

It’s no secret that your parents, or your partner’s parents, can have a pretty big impact on your relationship.

And even though their meddling may be done out of malice, some might not even realize how troublesome they’re being. They could just be doing what they think is right for their kid.

They Show Up All The Time

yellow front door against red brick wall
Photo Credit: Samuel McGarrigle / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Samuel McGarrigle / Unsplash

Fact: Parents like to hover, and it’s mostly just because they are overprotective.

If your parents are showing up unannounced at your place all the time when you’re with your spouse, that cuts into special bonding time that the two of you need together.

Assert Your Independence

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Photo Credit: Simon Rae / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Simon Rae / Unsplash

In this situation, it is important to try to assert your independence. Let them know that sometimes, you need a night for just the two of you.

Even though it’s nice to see your parents, you should probably tell them that they should at least text first.

They Bad-Mouth Your Partner

woman with finger to mouth as if to say
Photo Credit: Kristina Flour / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Kristina Flour / Unsplash

If your parents don’t approve of a relationship that you are in (for whatever reason), they might talk badly about your partner to you, or talk down to them when you are together.

This can be really hurtful and it sucks to see your parents make fun of someone you love.

How To Deal With This

woman and her mother seated outdoors talking
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

When your parents are talking badly about your spouse, you need to talk to them about it and ask them to stop if it’s hurting you. It is your life, after all.

As long as they listen, you no longer have a problem. But if the snide, negative comments continue even after you’ve asked them to stop, you need to lay down the law again and tell them that it’s not their place.

They Cross Boundaries

young woman standing outside with her arms crossed
Photo Credit: Raychan / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Raychan / Unsplash

According to The List: “Some parents will even go to their kid’s siblings to get them to try and reinforce their disapproval of the relationship. While it is completely normal for a parent to give their child relationship advice, it isn’t right to go any further. A romantic relationship is for the people in that relationship to work on, not their parents.”

“A parent might even mean well by doing this, but it is still detrimental and cause for awkwardness.”

You Need To Establish Boundaries

If your parent is meddling in your relationship, gossiping to other family members, and offering you advice all the time, you need to establish some boundaries.

If you feel like your parents are too hands-on, talk to your partner about it and get their advice. Then, if necessary, take the steps that you need to in order to confront your parents together.

They Put Too Much Pressure On You

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Photo Credit: Alena Darmel / Pexels
Photo Credit: Alena Darmel / Pexels

Lots of parents out there have really high expectations for their children, and maybe they put too much pressure on you in lots of areas of your life.

If they are pressuring you about your life decisions or your love life, this can put a lot of stress on you and your partner.

Talk To Them

older couple smiling together
Photo Credit: Joe Hepburn / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Joe Hepburn / Unsplash

Nobody is perfect—and your parents need to try to understand that. If they are putting too much pressure on you, you need to communicate that to them.

Because at the end of the day, parents usually want the best for their kids, but they can get carried away.

They Get Involved With Your Finances

father and daughter smiling
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

If your parents are always giving you or your partner money, this can cause problems for your relationship.

And even though this usually isn’t done with any malicious intent, it can make you feel like your parents are a driving force in your relationship and life decisions.

The Unspoken Cost Of Parental Help

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Photo Credit: Artem Maltsev / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Artem Maltsev / Unsplash

Be very aware of the cost of parental help in a relationship.

It may take you longer to save up on your own for a house and you may have to put off that trip to the Bahamas, but at least you’ll be able to make those decisions on your own terms.

They Set A Bad Example For You

Photo Credit: @versacles / Twitter
Photo Credit: @versacles / Twitter

If your parents set a bad example for you when it comes to showing what a loving, happy environment should look like, it can have a negative impact on your own relationships. Because the truth is, parents shape their children’s future love lives from the moment they are born.

Our parents are the ones who teach us how we feel and express love, and not everyone’s childhood was all rainbows and butterflies.

You Aren’t Your Parents

mother and young daughter on street
Photo Credit: Sai De Silva / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Sai De Silva / Unsplash

There isn’t much you can do about how you were raised or how you were taught to feel and experience love, because we can’t change the past.

But you need to know that you aren’t the same as your mom or your dad. You are your own person.

They Critique Your New Lifestyle

black-and-white photo of young woman
Photo Credit: Maria Lysenko / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Maria Lysenko / Unsplash

Sometimes, your parents may be highly critical of the lifestyle that you and your spouse choose.

Perhaps they are upset that you don’t spend as much time with them anymore, or that you moved away and had to get a new job.

Your Life Is Your Life

Your parents need to understand that your life is YOUR life. They can’t control everything in it (even if they have good intentions). That’s not to say that we shouldn’t appreciate their advice, but there is a time and place for it.

It’s different when they are always criticizing you or making you feel bad.