Adventures In Ride Sharing (Because It’s Literally Never Dull)

Uber, Grab, Lyft, whatever—if you’ve ever hopped into a slightly run-down SUV with a complete stranger and taken a trip, you know exactly how weird it can be. No offense to people whose rideshares are their careers, but not every ride deserves 5 stars.

Here are some times when ride-sharing was less about getting there and more about the journey. Because oh my God was the journey memorable—and I’m not just talking about the questionably strange conversations they had.

This Driver Is More Affectionate Than My Father

uber driver saying he loves you
Photo Credit: @EvanEdinger / Twitter
Photo Credit: @EvanEdinger / Twitter

Where can I get someone in my life that actually loves and appreciates me the way Uber drivers seem to do? First the free water, then the aux cord, now the professions of love. This is easily the most stable relationship I’ve had.

This “Uber” Was Getting Her Steps In

walking uber delivery
Photo Credit: @betchys / Instagram
Photo Credit: @betchys / Instagram

I’m sorry, but Tiffany, maybe your part-time gig as an Uber driver isn’t the time nor place to try and get your cardio up. Especially if it’s gonna take you an ENTIRE HOUR to get somewhere.

This Deaf Uber Driver Sounds Like My Anti-Social Self’s Perfect Ride

ubder driver deaf
Photo Credit: @chumphreys20 / Twitter
Photo Credit: @chumphreys20 / Twitter

Seth is my ideal Uber ride for two reasons: no conversation is required, and I can play whatever sad John Mayer song makes me feel better about a guy I was crushing on who called me ugly at the bar. Oh, and I can sob and Seth won’t hear it.

Any Conversation Is Guaranteed To Completely Alienate Us

getting uncomfortably in an uber
Photo Credit: @adamgreattweet / Twitter
Photo Credit: @adamgreattweet / Twitter

If I knew my mom got her kicks doing this I’d have to insist she orders a separate car. Screw the environment, saving money, or arriving together, literally anything is worth getting out of this cringe scenario.

The Trip Map Only Adds To The Shame Of This Unnecessary Drunk Ride

uber trip ride
Photo Credit: uhcougars1151 / Reddit
Photo Credit: uhcougars1151 / Reddit

We’ve all done this, don’t even lie. We’ve called an Uber when it’s only been a five-minute walk and we’ve proudly (and drunkenly) dealt with the super judgy look the driver has given us. It’s a college rite of passage.

DIY, Organic, Homegrown Heated Seats

heated seats getting out
Photo Credit: @AlisonLeiby / Twitter
Photo Credit: @AlisonLeiby / Twitter

Good to know the residual warmth of the undercarriage of another human is what’s providing me slight comfort in this situation. Does this mean I finally need others? Am I co-dependent now?

A Big Mistake Or Dinesh Just Invented Uber Waterskiing

uber driver is in trouble
Photo Credit: @decentbirthday / Twitter
Photo Credit: @decentbirthday / Twitter

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have a feeling Dinesh isn’t going to be arriving anytime soon. Unless he hitched a ride with a local cruise ship driver and got towed ashore.

Further Proof Men Are Trash

uber eats driver here
Photo Credit: @Chadillac777 / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Chadillac777 / Twitter

We all turn into this person when we order an Uber. I don’t know what it is about ride shares but they make us feel like the Queen of a country. And we have the sassy watch-tap to prove it if our ride is even a minute late.

I Didn’t Know Bubbles Was An Option

uber driverblowing blubbles
Photo Credit: @RyanExxles / Twitter
Photo Credit: @RyanExxles / Twitter

Dude, why are you blowing bubbles? I’m not saying it’s a bad thing—actually the opposite really. I want every Uber driver from now on to show up with a giant bubble hanging out of their mouths. But I do have a question as to why.

It’s Can Never Be Light Conversation, Can It?

uber driver heavy subjects
Photo Credit: @MeLllamoTrevor / Twitter
Photo Credit: @MeLllamoTrevor / Twitter

If there are any rideshare drivers reading this, please, for the love of God, sound off in the comments section as to why a good chunk of you like to dive into the heavy topics on my 10-minute drive to the bus station. This is the only time I’ve prayed for weather small-talk.

A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Shining

jack nicholson bird
Photo Credit: @dizzle_st_james / Twitter
Photo Credit: @dizzle_st_james / Twitter

I’m not even going to comment on how weird this is that the Uber driver brought their pet bird along. What I’m only going to do is focus on how it looks exactly like Jack Nicholson. But…it definitely is weird it’s there…just saying.

It’s Gotta Hurt To Be Typecast As The Elevator Music Guy

switching radio station to jazz
Photo Credit: @KevinMKruse / Twitter
Photo Credit: @KevinMKruse / Twitter

Sorry Kevin, but the stars on your Uber rating also correlate into cool points. The higher your rating, the less chance you get the cool music (your Metallica, Biggie, BMTH) and the higher the chance you get Holiday Inn lobby soundtrack. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

I Agree With This Very Specific Exception To The Welcome Sign

in the car welcoming exceptions
Photo Credit: KommonCnowledge / Reddit
Photo Credit: KommonCnowledge / Reddit

How about, as a general rule, you’re not allowed to enter the car if you’ve even thought about vomiting within the past half hour. Because I know that that feeling doesn’t just come on suddenly—it’s a slow burn fed by many regrettable tequila shots all night.

Keep Your Eyes On The Road

lets get it on song radio
Photo Credit: @laina622 / Twitter
Photo Credit: @laina622 / Twitter

I mean…if you’re up for it…you do know where I live. Think about it, this could be the Romeo and Juliet romance you’ve always wanted. You could even sit in the passenger seat.

Deck The Honda With Boughs Of Holly

santa roof
Photo Credit: @Thetarynarold / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Thetarynarold / Twitter

Really, how could this person have missed the giant Christmas display above their head? This driver is clearly the Uber Santa Claus and I am oh, so excited for my trip home for the holidays if he’s taking me there.

This Is A Tragedy

picking car keys up
Photo Credit: @pissboymcgee / Twitter
Photo Credit: @pissboymcgee / Twitter

I feel for this guy only because I’ve been the person to Uber to a party only to leave after five minutes because I’ve hated the people there….and gotten the same driver. But if I didn’t then I would so be judging this man right now.

It’s Gonna Be An Innuendo-Heavy Ride

uber is named dong
Photo Credit: @CarpeDonktum / Twitter
Photo Credit: @CarpeDonktum / Twitter

I’m glad this person tweeted this because now the string of highly-suggestive and questionable tweets they let loose in the span of 10-minutes all makes sense. It doesn’t make the rider any less immature though…just saying.

Because We Know The Clown Who Orders The Uber Is Never Getting Paid Back

people picking who's ordering uber
Photo Credit: @playboiwaru / Twitter
Photo Credit: @playboiwaru / Twitter

RIP to the bank account of the dude who has to pay for the Uber on the way there because there’s no way his friends are helping pay for his coat or cover like they promised. Not a chance.

Bail Out Now, This Man Is Doing His Road Test

uberdriver yield signs
Photo Credit: @tylercoates / Twitter
Photo Credit: @tylercoates / Twitter

This Uber driver must’ve taken a wrong turn past the driving academy parking lot where he was taking his learner’s permit test and just hopped on the highway and started working for Uber. At least, that’s the kind of ignorance I’m hoping for.

This Uber Driver Dressed Up For Halloween

skeleton in car
Photo Credit: @jpbyp / Instagram
Photo Credit: @jpbyp / Instagram

Not only is this a great costume on its own, but this is such a nice way to make the ride more fun around the holidays. Though, I would love it if he had peripheral vision.