When you decide to download a dating app, it’s guaranteed that it’ll go one of two ways: You’ll either find true love or be so frustrated by the universe and its lack of selection of lovers that you swear off dating forever, resigning to your destiny as the Queen of Cats and Sweatpants.
Well, not everyone has resigned to this fate (yet). Twitter users have started a viral trend, and from pop culture to magical quests, along with a pinch of self-loathing, they’re sharing their fantasies for how they’re ditching dating apps in the hopes of finding true love.
Let’s Get Down To Business
There’s no time to worry about dating when the Huns are invading China!
Seriously though. If you hear the phrase “let’s get down to business” and your immediate first reaction isn’t “to defeat the Huns,” then we cannot be friends. Dishonor on you and dishonor on your cow.
Let's continue on the Disney train for just a minute because it’s been months since I’ve got a haircut, so I definitely sympathize with this one.
Maybe if I throw my long hair outside the window, someone will climb back up with a pepperoni pizza and then leave me alone so I can enjoy my Netflix marathon in peace.
Call Me Old Fashioned
This man saw an opportunity for online greatness and he took it.
Between the dad jokes, cocktail recipes, and newfound Twitter fame, who wouldn’t want to fall in love with this guy?
There’s A Lot To Unpack Here
There’s a saying that goes along the lines of how no good story ever started with someone eating a salad. But I can guarantee that at least one good story starts with 16 glasses of champagne.
If Hallmark needs an idea for a new rom-com, I think we've found it.
“Little did I know, that you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebbles, and my daddy said, ‘Stay away from Juliet,’ and I was cryin' on the staircase, beggin' you, ‘Please don't go,’ and I said…”
This song is an absolute bop and I will fight people on this.
All Aboard The Corporate Express
It wasn’t just regular users hopping on board the Twitter trend, but also companies and even movie franchises.
Before you can love another you must first love yourself, but I don’t think Whataburger is in a rush to find true love anytime soon.
The Hunger Games
You know the Rihanna lyric “we found love in a hopeless place”? Well, perhaps it was written about Katniss and Peeta in The Hunger Games because nothing says “I love you” quite like secretly plotting someone’s death and then having to pretend you’re in love with them for a reality TV show.
And you thought the Kardashians were hard to keep up with!
The Great Gatsby
Who said that today’s youth didn’t appreciate America's literary classics? Even if you haven't actually read the book, you get points for knowing the novel the tweet is referring to.
Now if Leonardo DiCaprio shows up in this hypothetical scenario, then we’re talking.
So Long Independence (Day)
You know, I’m something of an expert when it comes to American history (I’ve watched Hamilton several times).
They say that history is written by the victors, and I hope for her sake she is victorious in finding true love (and hidden treasure). That's what the Founding Fathers would have wanted.
“And In The Morning, I’m Making Waffles”
Most little girls probably dreamed about being a Disney princess and meeting their prince charming when they grew up. But this user’s method of finding true love involves everyone’s favorite angry, green ogre.
Should someone tell her Shrek’s already taken?
All The Single Ladies
Remember when I said that online dating was so frustrating that it makes some women want to become sweatpant-wearing cat moms? This is who I was referring to.
If relationships have taught me anything, it’s that sometimes it’s better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship, so good for Irene for embracing her best single self.
Just Like A Hallmark Movie
Sometimes we find love in the most unexpected of places, and this user hopes to fall in love with a stranger during a train ride through Europe, then hopefully reunite again six months later.
She’s got more guts than me though. I usually just make uncomfortably long eye contact with my crush until they either talk to me or run away.
A One-Way Trip To Flavortown
For all you Food Network lovers out there, how many of you have dreamt of taking a culinary trip through America and meeting the king of Flavortown, Guy Fieri?
That’s where this one Twitter user wants to fall in love, and honestly, who can blame them?
The Bare Minimum
While many Twitter users involved daring quests or just good old-fashioned alcohol, this guy was keeping his quest for love at the absolute bare minimum.
Hey, I’m not judging! Meeting people is exhausting and this way you don’t have to put on pants.
A PG-Rated Game Of Thrones
I’m getting major Game Of Thrones vibes with this tweet (you know, but minus all the murder and nudity).
Let's hope this Twitter user’s story ends better than season eight did.
Twitter user Paul claimed not to realize that “deleting dating apps to meet someone the old fashioned way” was actually a Twitter trend, and thought women were breaking up with their boyfriends and decided to play the rebound.
Everyone on this list deserves true love - except for paul.