The internet is filled with a cacophony of different opinions. But then there is that one golden topic that is universally despised and fills all women with cold rage: tiny pockets on jeans.
The tiny, barely useable pockets on women’s jeans are a contentious topic for women, and becoming angered by them at one point in our lives is a right of passage into womanhood. So what do women actually use those pockets for? Users on Reddit decided to share their dainty denim secrets.
What Women Want (Is Functional Clothing)
It’s no surprise that when it comes to clothing (and everything else, honestly), women kind of plucked the short end of the string. From tiny, useless pockets in jeans, to crop tops so cropped it’ll be impossible to stay warm in summer, and how every clothing store has a different sizing scale, it seems like women just can’t win. It’s a constant struggle between fashion, functionality, and price.
Look at poor Dakota Johnson struggling to carry all of her belongings—the tiny pocket BS needs to come to an end!
A Pocketful Of Fury
As a woman, there is nothing more infuriating than finding a cute pair of jeans or skirt in a clothing store, only to realize that it has pockets so small not even a bunny can use them. Or worse, when it’s a faux pocket that’s actually sewn shut.
User Shorts-are-comfy took to Reddit and asked, “Women of Reddit, what do you commonly keep in your generally undersized pockets?” Hell hath no fury like a woman with tiny pockets.
A Half-Used Kleenex
“Half used Kleenex and a hair tie,” wrote one user. “Half used sounds gross but when you just have a sniffle it's really not.”
You know, the essential products of womanhood. Now if my pockets were big enough to hold an entire box of tissues, then we’d be talking.
Free The Boob
“My boobs when I don’t feel like wearing them,” one user wrote.
As great as boobs and bras are for carrying things like cell phones, sometimes they’re heavy and you just need to pack them away for later to give your spine a break.
Tiny Wrappers For Tiny Pockets
It’s always a great day to be environmentally friendly, and having tiny pockets is no excuse to litter and not clean up after yourself, as one user pointed out.
She uses her tiny pockets for “small wrappers for the trash can when I find one.”
Great In Theory, Less So In Practice
You'd think storing colorful lipsticks or moisturizing chapsticks would be a good use of the tiny pocket in a woman’s jeans, but one user explained why that plan can quickly go awry.
“Lipsticks, so they can melt and stain my clothes in the dryer.”
Is it cold outside and you want to tuck your hands into your pockets to keep them warm? It’s a great idea if you’re a guy.
One poor Reddit user shared that her pockets are so small all she can fit in there is her fingertips. I guess that’s the part of your hand that’s needed to unlock and use a cell phone, so sorry palms, sacrifices must be made.
Those pockets aren’t just for filling with tiny physical objects, but also tiny metaphorical ones!
From big dreams and aspirations to smaller goals like getting bigger pockets for women, it’s nice just to be able to dream. Nothing like the promise of full-sized pockets to lull a woman to sleep.
Well That Escalated Quickly
“I somehow stuff my ID and debit card awkwardly in there,” wrote one user. “I'm either prepared to buy hot Cheetos at the local market or have my body identified.”
So she’s a fan of Cheetos and TV crime dramas—I think I found my new best friend!
Thanks For Ruining Christmas, You Holly Jolly [Expletive]
“A few years ago my now-husband and I were going over to his parents for Christmas. We brought a bottle of gin to make cocktails. We got to the door and I asked him if he had the gin, and he turned and showed me the STANDARD-SIZED FIFTH OF LIQUOR HE'D STUFFED IN HIS JEANS(!) FRONT(!!) POCKET,” one user wrote.
“Ruined my Christmas to be reminded how inadequate women's pockets are.”
Someone Likes To Live Dangerously
Not only does this Reddit user stuff her tiny pockets full of despair, but apparently she also stores her ID and credit card in there too. I’m shocked she hasn’t lost them more frequently.
Girlfriend, you are playing with fire!
Giant Egos, Tiny Pockets
One woman decided to go a bit further and she shared that in her tiny pockets she stores... “crushed male egos.”
So take that, patriarchy.
Sometimes Patience Is Not A Virtue
So what do women actually use that tiny, useless pocket in their jeans for? Well according to one user, not very much.
“All my patience. Because I don't have a lot,” they write.
Perfect For Storing Disappointment
So we all know how infuriating half-sized pockets are on jeans, and those teeny-tiny pockets are even worse. But wait, there’s more!
“You mean the pockets that look like pockets but then you go to put your fingers in them and they are sewn shut? Disappointment, that's what I keep in those useless things,” wrote one user.
What do these Reddit users put in their tiny jean pockets? They’re so small and dysfunctional that apparently, the answer is “nothing.”
Many women said that they only use their larger back pocket to carry stuff, but nothing stops your heart faster than bending down to sit on a chair or use the bathroom, and then realizing your cell phone is also tucked away, mere seconds from falling out or getting squashed.
Not All Pockets Are Created Equal
It’s not just the tiny pocket that has us flying into a rage, but even the “regular”-sized pockets seem to be undersized too. Do fashion designers not realize that, like men, we also need to carry around items that should be able to fit into the pocket of our jeans? Men’s pockets are so big you can fit an entire burger and fries combo in there, with room to spare.
But for women, how about their leather wallet? Nope. Bedazzled cell phone? Nuh-uh. Car keys? Hahaha nope, go buy a purse, loser.
Even Little Girls Are Taking Notice
It’s not just women who are noticing the pocket inequality, but even little girls too. A first-grader from Arkansas named Kamryn wrote a letter to Old Navy and asked why the retailer doesn’t have full-sized pockets on women’s jeans, and if they’ll consider making jeans with full-sized pockets so she can “put things in them.”
Old Navy actually responded back with their own letter writing, “The Old Navy kids product team appreciate your information. It's great feedback for us as we develop new product." So, Old Navy, how goes the progress? We’re waiting.
Even some wedding gowns have pockets! If a $2,000 designer gown made of fine tulle and lace can have sizeable pockets sewn into it, then surely women’s jeans can have it too. For that $50–$100 that we’re spending on jeans, go buy more fabric.
Sure, your wedding vows are a great item to store in your wedding gown pockets, but do you know what else is? Snacks. What? Getting married and walking around all day in a heavy floor-length gown and high heels is exhausting work.
A Crime Against Pockets
If you’re thinking that the issue is no big deal, then I present to you these two photos from Reddit. On the left is a comparison between men’s and women’s pocket sizes, and on the right is, well, you’ll figure it out.
Here is my full case for the atrocity that is tiny pockets and why it is so bad that it needs to be shipped straight off to prison. What kind of sociopath sews a full-sized pocket onto a women’s pair of jeans, and then sews half of it shut? Prosecution rests.
A Challenge To The Fashion Industry
So I challenge the fashion industry to start producing women’s jeans, skirts, and other garments of clothing with functional and full-sized pockets that are large enough to fit something bigger than a half-used tissue.
We’ve been waiting hundreds of years for this. Don’t screw it up.