What's got two thumbs, a full 8 hours of sleep, and isn't looking at $300 stroller models online? These people. Not everyone wants kids and there's nothing wrong with that despite what your Aunty may say at Christmas. Just ignore her and reach for that mimosa that you can drink because you're not pregnant.
People are sharing memes that are oh so relatable for all of us who don't want little bank account drainers running around any time soon. There's nothing wrong with wanting kids of course, but just maybe keep them over there. Way over there.
Pet Babies Are Peak Responsibility
People always say getting a dog or a cat is training for taking care of your our little human one day and we're here to tell you that's just not true. Pets are the lights of our lives and are our kids forever. Actually, they might be better since they don't even need diapers.
When those same friends are laughing at you for swaddling your pet just remember that you two are going home to an evening of falling asleep on the couch eating snacks while your friends will be up all night dealing with kid drama.
Having No Kids Is Basically Living The Same Life As Your 20's Constantly
Do you remember the days in your 20's when you would wake up at 12 pm, go outside to see if you could scrounge up free coffee, and then spend the day in the park with a bottle of wine mulling over art, literature, and your best friend's questionable mullet?
It's that no-schedule life that you can keep living without kids in the picture. Lady No Kids is the bard inside of us who's ready to have a chill Saturday living her best life. That means not dragging yourself and 60 lbs of baby stuff to a finger painting event.
All My Weekends For The Next 5 Years Are Booked With Child Birthday Parties, Can I Schedule You In March 2028?
One of the many parenthood rites of passage is having all of your free relaxation time after work being eaten up doing every single thing you don't want to do. How about we all drive down to a cold gymnastics gym for a 5-year-old's birthday at 10 am on a Saturday?
When Simon puts it that way... yeah, we'd rather spend it differently. You know that the thing is going to last for 5 hours, the pizza will be awful, and someone's bound to get hurt and be loud about it. No thanks, we'd rather go to the beach.
Yeah Cute Ba –– Wait, Do You Have A Puppy?!
If you're sharing pictures of your baby with others, just know either no one cares or they think it's secretly ugly. That's just the truth. So when you get those inevitable "awh so cute" comments know that they're masking thinly veiled impatience with your child's pixelated face interrupting their scrolling past cat memes.
This person is asking the important questions over here. Is it a rescue? Does she sleep well at night? Maybe lead with a photo of your dog first because that's all we're tuning in for.
There Are Two Types Of Spenders
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Life is filled with tough decisions and having kids or having money is no exception. It depends on what your lifestyle is and whether you're fine with spending the next 13 family vacations in Disney World because you got a season's pass at a good price or you want to go to Rome.
It's rare we see such obvious window decal battling. Usually, when the people with the Disney stickers drive-by we all silently scorn them, but this couple decided to put their money to good use and buy the perfect decoration.
Every Parent Of Young Children Before Ruining Your Meal In A Restaurant
Seriously, we all get that it's hard to find a sitter. But when your options are either staying home or going to a restaurant and ruining the time of everyone there because you decided to bring your screaming baby and your 3 kids under 10, it should be an easy choice. KD is only 90 cents and you can make it in 15 minutes.
Look at how calm and happy this family is as they bring their tornado selves into a previously nice dining environment. Bonus points if their giant stroller impedes everyone's way.
Here's To The Happy Memories Without Baby
We all should be creating photo albums to document those special times in our lives before they're over and our little ones are grown up. What if your little one is just a bottle of wine? You can celebrate when it was just a wee glass in your hand.
Ellie Taylor writes that for the "Non-Motherhood Challenge: I was nominated by myself to post five pictures that make me happy to be a non-mother. Such special memories." You go Ellie, document those special days.
*Cries In Rich*
If you're vocal about not wanting kids you've likely heard every guilt-trip under the sun aiming at convincing you to change your mind. We've all gotten the "you're being selfish" or the "you were once a kid." We get it.
The caption for this iconic photo is "when people tell me I'm missing out on the joy of having kids." Some of us just can't financially afford to have children, so why would we? That would just mean a harder time for us and the kids. Better just stay rich yourself and call it a day.
This Guy Captured In Real Time The Fear Of Babies And Kids On Airplanes
When Twitter user @samkalidi saw an infant and a young child boarding the first-class section on the plane, he decided it would be a perfect time to capture the candid stress of himself and the other passengers witnessing the act.
The caption for this selfie is more iconic than the Ellen one. "The look of horror on every passenger's face when children & infants start boarding the plane." Remember, this occurred in the first-class section. You know, with the people who paid extra to escape us in economy. Even trouble can happen in paradise.
Oprah's Shocking Secret That Isn't So Shocking
How does one of the most grounded gurus in the world stay so young and vibrant? How does she run a multi-billion dollar business and still manage to be a joy to the world? Most would say coconut oil, but we want to dig a little deeper for an answer.
Wow. That was completely unexpected. No kids and a wack of money? That almost seems like there's a correlation between having kids, stress, and a small bank account. The non-kid people are just going to sip our wine in the corner while the world figures this one out.
The Monthly Mental Math You Do When You're Reminded Why You Don't Want Kids
When you've got a front-row seat to the literal embodiment of a rodeo except the bull is a 3-year-old who didn't get their favorite flavor of popsicle, you start adding up what's going on in your own life.
Every time they scream it's another jolt of electricity to your brain and another hour you can account for. Okay, I didn't take it at 5 and it's 7 now so I'll take it. Who needs alarms when you have a child in the vicinity?
This Kid Who Just Knows They're A Handful
It's rare that we stumble across a true sage in our lifetimes who's so self-aware that you feel like they're reading your mind. This little 8-year-old is one of these rare creatures.
This kid looked around and saw the Barbie backpack their parent was trying to stuff all their toys into, the spaghetti they threw on the floor for fun, and the dark circles under their eyes and thought "not for me." Maybe all of us who don't want kids were just so bad as children that we don't want to continue the cycle.
Quick, Name Your Favorite Thing About Children
We all love standing by and watching the drama unfold. It's why every time something burns down on the news there's a crowd of people standing across the street with beers in hand watching. Children are the same thing.
Not being directly responsible means you can kick back at the family event and enjoy yourself instead of watching your brother's kid trying to eat grasshoppers. Sure, your family may not appreciate your lack of help, but you've got your sunglasses on and your relaxation mode activated so it's not your problem.
Children Are Technically Animals... What?
Usually, when people ask you your favorite and least favorite things you respond with something lighthearted because the question is a friendly icebreaker. However, that can get boring sometimes and if you're pent up from babysitting that day it's basically walking into a minefield. The other person should be ready for your hot take.
This is a great response if you're just getting to know someone and want to nip any chances of them thinking you're going to procreate in the bud before it comes up later. It's a great first date response.
This Helpful Pie Chart To Explain Your Life Choices
It's helpful to pull out visual aides when trying to explain to your pushy relatives why you don't want to have children. After all, if they're not understanding the firm "no's" then it's at least worth a shot using visuals to try and explain to the lowest tier on the learning curve. We all learn at different speeds.
This chart is helpful. This chart is informative. This chart offers every reasonable explanation for your choice. There's no explanation on there? That's because you don't have to give one.
Birth Control? You Mean Baby Be-Gone Tablets
For all us ladies living our best lives, the last thing we want is a baby interrupting our mojo. Actually, a lot of people these days are saying no to babies for various reasons. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle famously only want 2 kids to minimize their environmental impact. We're just taking it one step further.
There's a 3 pointer. Single young female professional with the outside shot looking to sink with 2 seconds on the clock. Does she score? Oh, yeah she scores. There's just no baby after.
Your Spiritual Advisor, Samanta Jones, Had This To Say
We all watch Sex and the City for different things. Some of us like to follow Carrie Bradshaw's misadventures and others like to keep tabs on whatever Samantha is doing and use that as guidance for living our own lives. She's just that iconic.
You heard it folks, that's Samantha's take on the whole kid issue. She thinks they're a scourge on this Earth and we're inclined to believe her. After all, this is the woman who threw an "I don't have a baby shower" to remind everyone how fabulous she is.
Don't Hang Out With Pregnant People Or You May Catch It
According to science, August is the most popular time for babies to be born. So that means November is when we should all be making sure we don't hold hands for too long or do any of the other stuff that'll get the baby machine rolling. Maybe even invest in a makeshift gas mask just in case.
The energy of this meme is so chaotic but so can-do. This lady is willing to smell her own breath for the foreseeable future just to avoid whatever pheromones might make her pregnant. God speed.
Kids Cost Some Serious Coin
We all know that babies do their business a lot and that you're the primary person dealing with all the mess because their fine motor skills conveniently aren't working. But you're also paying a lot of money to wipe their behind if you think about it.
At Walmart, a 160 "economy" pack of diapers will run you roughly $37. An infant can soil themselves up to 10 times per day, so if you're using roughly 10 diapers per day that 160 pack will last you a little over 2 weeks. You spend the same amount of money on gas in your car.
This Important PSA
Not to rub it in any parent's face, but people without kids are sleeping more than you. Of course, it's a badge of honor to be a good parent and always be there for your kids no matter the hour, just celebrate your morality quietly before 10:30 am because we're all trying to sleep.
It's a Hakuna Matata morning over here in the childless world because we don't have to sacrifice our REM cycles to make waffles at 7 am for screaming kids. We can make ourselves waffles whenever we want.