While movies and television shows often make romance seem beautiful and dramatic, things are often more awkward and embarrassing in real life. Sometimes we make mistakes that end up leaving us absolutely mortified around our romantic partners (or others nearby).
These people shared the most embarrassing stories from their romantic endeavors.
Don’t Think He’s Nuts For You
“I had an adult sleepover with a guy I like. The next morning, I woke up, snuck out of bed, and made breakfast. I prefer almond milk, so I used that for eggs and french toast. He came to eat and after a few bites, his eyes widened and he asked if there were nuts in the bread. I said no, but I’d used almond milk. I had to call an ambulance because he was going into anaphylactic shock.
“I have not heard back from him since. I found his buddy and confirmed he’s not dead, but accidentally triggering a severe allergic reaction did not lead to romance.”
Always Double-Check Your Attachments
“I have a group chat for the store I work at, which includes the owner and six other employees. One night, I had been feeling a little frisky and took some pictures/videos for the guy that I was with at the time.
“The next day, I sent my work chat a picture of an issue I was having with my computer before helping a customer for 30–45 minutes. Afterward, I saw I had a bunch of missed calls from my boss… It turns out that I had accidentally sent my nudes instead of the computer photo! Needless to say, it was my last day working there.”
Never Let Your Roommates Take Care Of Anything
“A few months into a new relationship, it began to intensely burn when I peed. I told my girlfriend I knew she had cheated on me and demanded she go with me to take an STD test despite her insisting on her innocence.
“The night before we went, I inadvertently discovered that I had been consuming bleach, causing my symptoms, because my roommates were using laundry detergent pods instead of dishwashing soap. I had to make the most embarrassing apology of my life.”
“I Swear I’m Not A Predator!”
“My wife and I were wandering the Barnes & Noble separately when I noticed her on the other side of the store and her butt looks really good in the jeans she’s wearing. As I was walking towards her, phone camera zoomed in on her butt, I heard someone behind me shout ‘HEY CREEP! WHY ARE YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF THAT GIRL’S BUTT!?’
“I turned around to see an employee as the source of the shouting and my wife clutched her sides laughing. I tried to explain that she was my wife, but the employee was having none of it. My wife finally came to my rescue when the manager tried to kick me out.”
Never Attempt Anything Frisky While At Your Family Home!
“I’m currently sitting on my childhood bed wondering if I should disappear forever after my mom walked in on me 15 minutes ago while I was having Skype sex with a girl I went on a few Tinder dates with.
“Now I hear my mom hand-washing dishes downstairs; we’ve used a dishwasher for years.”
Do You Think The Auto Insurance Company Will Understand?
“My wife has an identical twin sister, but her twin was supposed to be on the other side of the country. I was driving to the grocery store when I saw my wife making out with an older guy outside a park.
“I froze and my eyes were stuck on the two of them as I drove past and straight into another car. I did eventually find out that it was actually my sister-in-law and with her much older (and secret) boyfriend, so not only did I ruin my bumper and crash into an Escalade, but I also was the catalyst for her introducing him to the whole family.”
A New Meaning To The Term “Dying Laughing”
“There’s this girl I like at work, and one day I made a dumb joke that she found funny. After thirty seconds of laughing, she grabbed her chest and started coughing, wheezing, and convulsing a bit. Freaking out, I grabbed my phone to call 911.
“My manager walked in and to see this big guy towering over this poor little girl on the floor. Fortunately, I was able to explain what happened after the ambulance came. Turned out she has asthma and my joke caused a flare-up. Her waving her arms was her trying to tell me to get her inhaler. Whoops.”
The First Time Is The Hardest
“When I lost my virginity, the guy I was with told me to arch my back and I arched it the wrong way—up, like a sick cat. I think about this every day.”
His Intentions Were Good
“I was at a party and saw a girl across the room. She was wearing a skirt, holding a drink in one hand and had the other hand in her pocket. I later complimented her skirt and how pockets in a skirt are great. She looked very confused, said, ‘My skirt doesn’t have pockets, why would you think that?’
“I mentioned that I had seen her earlier with her hand in her pocket. Her face went bright red and revealed that her hand was amputated. What I thought was her hand in her pocket, was her stump resting against her hip.”
Time To Find Another New Dentist
“My first appointment first a new dentist was going smoothly until he made an innocuous remark about us ‘being strangers’. My immediate reply was ‘Oh, you’re not a stranger! You’ve been inside my mouth for 20 minutes!’
“I did not intend to make a sexual joke, but his face turned red and he was clearly embarrassed.”
Sorry To That Pharmacist
“My wife was out at the pharmacy when she called because our insurance card wasn’t working and asked for the numbers on the new cards we’d just been issued. I started to read the numbers, but she interrupted saying it would be easier if I took a picture.
“To be funny, I included my man parts in the photograph. When she got home, I asked her how she liked the picture I had sent. She seemed genuinely clueless and didn’t know what I was talking about. Apparently she’d just handed the phone with the picture open to the pharmacist to grab the numbers himself.”
This Is Why I Don’t Trust LinkedIn
“When I was a freshman at university, I had a huge crush on one of my lecturers—a regular-looking middle-aged man. I was so obsessed that I often stalked him on LinkedIn, where I made a profile just so that I could stalk him. I’m talking really often. It was creepy.
“When I joined the workforce, I realized that people actually get notified whenever someone views their LinkedIn profile. He used to give me odd looks when I would pass him around campus; he must’ve been thinking, ‘There’s that weird girl who looks at my LinkedIn profile daily.'”
Don’t Drink And Dash
“One day, I went to a hotel bar. The bartender was super cute and the bar was practically empty, so we chatted for over an hour. As I was getting ready to leave, a bunch of people sat down at the bar and she got busy. I didn’t want to ask for her number in front of a bunch of people, so I wrote my number on the check and left.
“I was halfway home when I got a text from her. I excitedly opened my phone to: ‘hey it’s Sara the bartender at (hotel name), you didn’t pay your bill.’ My heart sank into my stomach. I texted her my card number and apologized. She never texted me back.”
Oops, Sorry About That!
“My birthday is coming up and I found an item on eBay that I thought would be cool as a present. I casually mentioned it to both my wife and my mom not thinking that either of them would actually try to bid on it.
“They both ended up bidding on it to try to win it for a birthday present for me and they unknowingly got into a bidding war with each other!!! They drove up the price by about $200 before my wife finally won the auction. They could have just bought it new in the store for $50 less then she won it for, and I feel so bad.”
“I was talking to a girl I met online and really like. We exchanged some pics and in one of the photos, I spotted a prosthetic leg. Later, we were throwing cheesy pick up lines at each other and I asked if she’s ever been jailed for stealing hearts. She responded, ‘Do you think I’m a thief?’ to which I responded, ‘I was thinking more about a pirate.’
“She hasn’t messaged back for 10 minutes.”
This Is Why You Should Turn Your Phone Off First
“She was a senior in high school and I had just started college about an hour away. Her parents were awesome and loving towards me, but they didn’t want us to have sex before marriage.
“One time she visited and called to tell her parents she’d arrived safely. No answer. She put her phone on the bed and we got to having fun. Afterward, we noticed her phone vibrating. She answered: it was her mom. Within seconds, my girlfriend’s expression turned to pure shock and horror. We’d accidentally butt-dialed her mom and she heard everything.”
Is That Bartender Single?
“I went to a fancy movie theater with a date and decided to buy a bottle of wine. At the bar, I asked for two glasses and the bartender said he needs two IDs. Too lazy to go grab my date’s ID, I tell him I’m alone and was embarrassed to ask for just one glass and tried to sell the story by talking about how lonely I’ve been recently.
“The bartender, clearly sympathetic, told me he’s off in a few minutes and insisted on watching the movie with me. I try to fight it but I could only argue so much without giving away the truth. I went back to the theater with my new date. I met back up with my date in the parking lot and thankfully she found the whole thing hilarious.”
His Poor Family 🙁
“While traveling, I was talking with a guy who was a lot older (late 30s) but had a great bod. I invited him to my hotel room and, after an hour of fun, I thought I’d never see him again because I’m flying home this afternoon (right now).
“Wrong. At the airport, I was waiting at the gate. Guess who was pre-boarding with his wife and children? To make matters worse, they are just a couple of rows from me and I can hear all their conversations. I’m on the plane right now and he keeps texting me. This is so uncomfortable.”
Wrong Demographic, Bro
“I signed up for Tinder after breaking up with my girlfriend a few months ago. I set up my account linking it to Facebook, set my interest to ‘women,’ and started swiping. Apparently, my 13-year-old self thought it would be funny if I set my gender to ‘female.’ I had completely forgotten.
“I’m not a terrible looking guy and have had success on other apps, but I was getting barely any matches and couldn’t figure out why. This morning I woke up to a new match who said I looked great but continued with asking how long ago I’d transitioned. That’s when it all came together and I realized I’d been swiping on lesbians the entire time.”
And That’s On 20-Year-Old Photos
“Yesterday, my 35-year-old wife went to her grandmother’s house to clean out her old room. She got home and was excited to show me a photo album. Unfortunately, her show-and-tell session coincided with a playoff game, so she did not have my undivided attention. She gave a detailed history of every picture of her and I gave my obligatory ‘that’s nice’ or ‘wow, look at that’ responses.
“She flipped the page to a picture of her in a bikini. Her, my wife, in a bikini. I said, ‘Wow, you’re hot.’
“She was absolutely disgusted with me because she was 15 at the time and I now have to sleep on the couch. All I wanted was to watch football.”