We’ve all sat on our beds naked for 40 minutes in the morning completely at a loss for what we should wear that day —comedian Emily Heller did not have that issue for the 2019 Emmy’s. This iconic woman completely solved the insurmountable puzzle that was choosing what shade of black t-shirt we should don. Blue-black is always a safe choice in my opinion.
For the red carpet, Heller wore a completely green get-up and asked the photoshop savvy to edit her look whichever way they wanted. What we got made us happy, confused, and afraid… but a good afraid.
She Walked The “Emilys” Press Line
What’s a queen to do when she’s got no time to schmooze with the talking heads in the press line? Why, make her own of course. Heller crafted her own “Emilys” carpet complete with her own personal photographer and took some dynamic photos. I mean it’s art, what more can I say.
She’s Infamous Among Press Line Photographers Since Last Year’s Purse
Heller is no stranger to standing out on the carpet—last year she showed up rocking a “Getty Images” purse that garnered her a lot of attention. Only from Getty though, she said every other photographer wasn’t too pleased.
Our Queen Wore The Underground Designer “Greencci” Not Gucci
Heller donned a complete green screen look and looked incredible doing it. Honestly, this may be a “joke” but I’m about to go out and color match some green shirts and pants because I have literally no idea how to dress myself and she looks fabulous.
She Posted Up As Post Malone
In a move that left Hollywood bleeding and had us all saying “Wow,” Heller skipped her vacation in St. Tropez to arrive as none other than the sad boy himself, Post Malone. She looked incredible and we just want to say congratulations to our queen.
The Clone Wars Couldn’t Even
I would die on Tatooine in the clone war if this queen would do the honors. I literally would not mind at all if this was the last thing I saw because it’s a truly holy image.
The Emmys Needed A Little Spice And Heller Provided
Heller stunned in a white pants fiesta shirt number and we all felt our evenings look a little less grey in their presence. The absolute energy of this ensemble is making me open a Trivago tab and check prices for flights to Cuba.
She Was Dressed Down
Showing up looking like the daddy of our dreams, Heller served us major “out back cutting the grass on a Saturday morning” vibes. That button-down is versatile and is making us oh so mad for plaid.
Heller Stuffed Some Sausage
A girl’s gotta work right? What do you do when the Emmys are at eight and your butcher gig starts at nine? Get busy stuffing sausage on the carpet of course. Fame doesn’t mean you can clock in late.
RoboCop More Like Robo-Popped-Off
Look at those buns of steel Heller pulled out for the event, but don’t look too long because the reflection is pretty blinding. This outfit almost makes me want to see RoboCop so I can make a funny topical reference by quoting it. Almost.
It’s Not Delissio, Honey
Heller pulled up in a piece by haute-couture fashion atelier Donatello Digiorno and she looked like a thin-crust dream. We heard someone asked her if the piece was delivery and she just walked away. How ignorant of them.
One Emmys Ticket Buys You Entrance To The Matrix As Well
Heller really showed us she was The One when she pulled up wearing the only outfit that made us question if this is all a simulation after all. Red pill or blue pill? I’ll have what she’s having.
Heller Hopped On The Versace Jlo Revamp Train
JLo is an icon, Heller is an icon, and they’re an iconic combo that Photoshop made possible. JLo may have rehashed her iconic Versace dress this year, but Heller rehashed the vital JLo rehash and it’s the food for our soul we didn’t know we needed but are now hungry for more.
Avoca-Do Tell Me More
Heller educated us in the avoca-dos and don’ts of what to wear for the Emmys. She showed us there’s a deep pit of inspiration in nature for looks that yield berry amazing designs. If you don’t already hate me, are you ready for another avocado pun?
The Considerate After-Party Change
Heller knew the minute when she was rolling up to the Emmys that she was going to be there all night. The after party had just too many free samples promised so she knew she’d have to bust out another lewk for the cameras. Can’t be caught wearing the same thing, you know.
To Coordinate With The Accessory Of Course
No girl is fully dressed without an accessory to match her outfit, and Heller knows this all too well. She graced the carpet in a bold Getty Images outfit that matched her bag from last year and proceeded to get zero paparazzi photos except for this one.
Wear Yourself, Becuase Nobody Else Will
Be the change you want to see in the world because nobody else is going to do it for you. That means watching your own back by wearing your own back. Heller gave us all this valuable life lesson in self-reliance when she rolled up looking great in her own skin.
She’s Wearing Nothing
Heller ran a clinic about not letting capitalism rule your life and use your body as a billboard by wearing not a single brand on her body. We love a queen dedicated to a generic cause with a moderate passion for the issue.
She And Leonardo Decided To Swim Instead Of Sink This Time
Heller proved with this look that you don’t have to necessarily be Kate Winslet to have a Titanic reunion on the carpet with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was iconic the first time and even better the second. We’re sensing a reboot in the making and this time Rose scoots over a little.
The Nude Face Illusion Dress
Hollywood red carpets love a good nude-illusion dress. The Kardashians made them popular and we all wore them to death. Heller seems to understand this trend needed a fresh start, so she made it nude—but only on the face.
The Frock That Shocked And Rocked
Heller’s no stranger to trying new things on the carpet. So naturally, she amazed us all by coming out in a merlot coat accented with feathers and looking like the cool Aunt we always wish we had. An added shock was that this might’ve been the only serious submission.
The Rest Of The Autobots Were Sadly Not In Attendance
Heller transformed into a preened and primed Autobot for her walk on the carpet and we couldn’t be more in awe. She saved not only planet Earth but also the evening with this look.
She Tried To Blend In But She Stood Out Instead
Heller dared to wear something that would make her disappear into the background, but she should’ve known better because she stood out in it. Her star shines so bright that she can never disappear completely, even if we lose track of her arms and legs.
Do It? Honey, She Did It
Shia LaBeouf should be nervous because Heller is coming for his brand. She walked the carpet looking like the motivation we all needed to get our tasks done, and all I know is that this is the only inspirational poster I’ll be hanging above my bed.
Boy Wonder Who?
Heller is the humble queen we all needed in our lives which is why she opted for the Robin costume instead of the Batman look. She knew there could only be one Dark Knight so she snatched the wig from Robin. We respect her humility, but she could even dress like Superman if she wanted—she’s that great.
Queens Wear Queens, Duh
The only thing better than Heller rolling up in McQueen would be Heller rolling up in the Queen. No, not our beloved band playing in the background, but good ol’ Queen Lizzie’s face. Several of them, to be exact.
She Showed Us That Even Though She Looks Beautiful, It’s The Inside That Counts
Heller once again proves that you need to concentrate on what’s inside before you focus on what’s outside. Specifically, your gallbladder health, your kidneys, and your esophagus track. Her healthy gut is all the personality that needs to come through on the carpet.
El Misteriosa With The Carpet KO
Heller brought a little flavor to the carpet when she strutted into the ring wearing her smackdown best. This luchador served us major powerful woman vibes and made us hungry for more… and enchiladas oh my god, yeah enchiladas.
Hawaiian For The Carpet And Inter-Dimensional Warp For The After Party
Heller knows better than to box herself into one theme for the night. She educated us in wearability when she wore a Hawaiian pool-party inspired outfit for the press line and a warp to another plane for the after party. Just don’t try and walk through our queen because you think you see a duck playing piano on the other side because it’s not there. But God, don’t we wish it was.
One thing nobody has ever said is “I’ve had enough of flamingoes” and Heller capitalized on this feeling. She watched Bjork rock the swan frock and took major notes. If you’ll let me make one more pun, I’d say she looks fly.
Heller Wasn’t Clowning Around Because This Look Is IT
Bill Hader was amazing in the IT: Chapter 2 movie, but he was even better photoshopped onto Heller’s dress. These two are the combo we didn’t know we wanted but now we don’t want to live without.