Red Flags That Might Mean Your Relationship Isn’t As Exclusive As You Think
Whether you're in a situationship, a full-on relationship, or something impossible to clarify in one word, it's easy to find yourself in a relationship with someone where it didn't end quite right because we missed the warning signs.
You ignored the fact that you only see him after 5 pm, or the fact that he never makes plans more than a day in advance, but when you're five months in a "relationship" and you still haven't met his friends, there's a big red flag waving. Here are just some of the red flags you need to be aware of in a relationship.
They Don't Like "Labels"
We all know this one is a red flag, but we all choose to ignore it because we want to be the fun, casual, breezy girl who doesn't care about labels either. If you've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, don't put a label on it. If it's been four months and he came with you to Thanksgiving dinner at your dad's house but he still doesn't like labels? Run.
He's As Flaky As A Pastry
You make all these plans, but then he cancels half the time and doesn't really give you a reason why. You brush it off, he's a busy guy, you don't want to seem too clingy, but then you spend yet another Friday night at home rewatching Friends because he canceled. Something's gotta give here.
One Too Many Business Lunches
He's a working man, he's building his career, you get it, you're proud of him. We're going to spell it out for you though... He works a minimum wage temp job, why is he having two "business" dinners a week with confidential clients that he can't tell you about?
You Only See Him At A Certain Time Of Day
You've been trying to get him to come with you to that new brunch place for weeks, and you keep asking him to come to the farmer's market on Saturday mornings but he's always busy. Why is that? Because you're the evening girlfriend. Think about it. Have you ever seen him at 10 am? Do you ever see him before mid-afternoon? You're not the morning girlfriend.
You Never Go To His Apartment
Ladies, come on, we all know this one. You haven't been to his apartment because his roommates are unfriendly or he hasn't cleaned his room or your place is closer to the restaurant you went to. Suddenly it's been 8 weeks and you don't even know how many roommates he has.
He Didn't Delete His Dating Apps
We all know this one. The innocent option is they deleted the app but forgot to actually delete their profile, which is why one of your girlfriends swiped past him on Tinder. The not-so-innocent option is that he didn't delete the profile or the app, and there's a reason for that.
He Never Leaves His Phone Unattended
This is the biggest red flag we've all heard about but choose to pretend it doesn't bother us. Why does he need to take his phone with him when he's grabbing a glass of water or going to get his Amazon package from the front door? He's doesn't want you to look at it. Duh.
He Accuses YOU Of Cheating
If you're in (what you thought was) a perfectly happy relationship and out of nowhere your partner starts accusing you of cheating, they may be compensating for their own wrongdoings. You're either dating a paranoid weirdo or they're covering up for their own problems.
You Always Split The Bill
Yes, it's 2019, we love equality, women can pay for dinner too, but if you're a couple of months into your situationship and he still insists on splitting everything 50/50 right down to the last cent, that's concerning. It could be he doesn't want to feel indebted to you or for you to feel like he's treating you because he's also going to the movies with other people. Or, he's super cheap, and that's still a red flag hunny.
You've Never Met Each Other's Friends
There are some different levels to this one. If you've never met anyone in his life, big ol red flag. If it's only been a couple of weeks and you've met his roommates, don't panic yet. If it's been a couple of months and you've still only met his roommate, then you can be concerned.
He Frequently Drops Off The Face Of The Earth
Even if you've convinced yourself that it's not, it actually is weird if your partner suddenly stops answering and doesn't respond until the next morning or afternoon, with no explanation as to why. Everyone needs a couple of hours to themselves, but if you can't get a hold of them for the sixth Saturday night in a row, that's suss.
He's "Spontaneous"
Spontaneity is one thing, but if he's never willing to commit to plans more than a day or two ahead of time because he doesn't know what he'll be doing next weekend or he "doesn't like schedules" then you should be a little concerned.
Your... Physical Relationship Changes
If the soundtrack to your relationship used to be Olivia Newton John's "Let's Get Physical" but now your partner has done a complete 180, that could spell trouble for you. Any drastic change in your physical relationship can be considered a warning, whether it's a lot more or a lot less.
He Turns His Phone Off When He's With You
You go out to dinner and he turns his phone on airplane mode, or he comes over to your apartment and completely turns his phone off; how respectful and thoughtful, right? Sure, it might be, but it's also 2019, you could just turn it on 'Do Not Disturb.' If he turns his phone off every time he's with you, it could be because there's notifications or messages that he doesn't want you to see.
He Goes To The Gym A Lot
...And nothing seems to be changing. If he's going to the gym for 3 hours every night, 7 days a week, yet he looks exactly the same as he 2 months ago, warning bells should be going off.
He Follows A Lot Of Girls On Social Media
You're going through Instagram, you see he posted a picture so you go to leave a comment and suddenly you're scrolling through 30 comments... and they're all from other girls. Yes, guys can have friends who are girls, but if the only people they're interacting with on social media are women, that might be cause for concern.
You're Non-Existent On His Social Media
Some people just don't use social media a lot, so if your partner posts once a year on his Instagram, don't panic. If he's someone who has a carefully curated feed though, and you're nowhere to be seen after a couple of months, that could mean trouble in paradise.
You've Caught Them In A Lie, Or A Few
If they say that they stayed late at work, but then you later find out they actually went for drinks with coworkers — something you wouldn't have cared about in the first place — they're probably willing to lie about other, bigger things.
He's Done It Before
Whether you've caught him before and you "worked through it," or he was seeing someone else when you first met and you were the side chick but now you're the leading lady, if he's done it before, there's always a chance he could do it again.
He Won't Come To Your Family Events
Meeting the family and extended family is a big deal in any relationship, but if one of you isn't sure they want to be in that relationship, they're probably not going to want to come with you to Easter at your grandma's.
You're Always The One Reaching Out
You make all of the plans and initiate all of the communication. If you weren't the one reaching out to him, you'd probably never hear from him or get to see him. He makes you do all the work because he might have other options or doesn't care all that much.
You Have No Physical Contact In Public
Some people just aren't interested in public displays of affection, and that's perfectly fine, but having absolutely no contact when you're in public could mean he's trying to make sure other people know you're not together. He's keeping his options open.
He's Only Around For The Positive Moments
Part of being in a serious relationship is being there for someone when they need support or when they're sick or hurt. If he's only there for the good times, he's not fully invested.
They're Secretive About Their Plans
Unless he's making plans with you, you never know where he's going to be or what he's doing on a Friday night. He never talks about things he does or people he spends time with when he's not with you.
There's Always A Reason He Can't Stay The Night
He has plans early in the morning, he has a big day at work, he has to go home to study for an exam or finish writing a paper. There's always an excuse to leave the ball before midnight.
You Never Discuss The Future
He's all about spontaneity on a daily basis, never making plans too far in advance, and that probably means that he never talks about the future, either. Any discussion of things to come is shut down or avoided.
He Gets Upset If You Show Up Unannounced
He always wants to lock down a plan or know when you're coming over, and if you do show up unannounced at his place, he gets upset, claiming he doesn't like surprises or something like that.
Your Casual Relationship Has Gone On Too Long
There's a point in every relationship where one or both of you are going to realize that you're interested in having a real relationship or ending it. The problem is figuring out how long is too long for you to maintain a casual relationship. That's different for everyone. Only you can decide.
You're Still Not Sure Of Their Feelings
If you're still having doubts or having trouble figuring out their feelings, it's probably because they haven't fully committed to you. They aren't making their feelings clear because they've got other things or other people on their mind.
You Never Actually Agreed To Be "Exclusive"
Many a person has gotten their feelings hurt in a casual relationship when they mistakenly thought they were exclusive without ever having that conversation. You need to be on the same page, or you're setting yourself up for trouble.
