Top Tier Vegan Tweets That Squash This Plant-Based Beef
Thank God for Twitter, because this month for #Veganuary it completely popped off and provided us with some incredible plant-based clap backs. Because vegans always get a bad rap, both figuratively and literally (I'm looking at you McDonald's wrap).
Here are some vegan tweets that have zero meat but are beefin' with that assumption that vegans aren't funny. Because we are, okay? We can roast veggies as well as the rears of the negative people making their lives harder on the internet.
Can You Handle The Intestinal Relationship Baggage
This is 100% true and 100% because of a diet high in fiber, protein, and fresh vegetables. Don't worry though, passing gas can be a fun way to spice up your foreplay by completely turning you off and making you decide to spend the night at your best friend's house instead.
It's Important To Have Goals
Always a vegan bridesmaid, never a vegan bride. This person should be proud of themselves that they even got to stand on the podium. Most of us just get high cholesterol as a reward for our mac-n-cheese buying habits.
Whatever Gregg's And Tesco Is I Want It
So for context, Gregg's is a market in the UK and they released a vegan version of a sausage baker. Sounds fine right? Well, it made the internet explode from people both happy and sad and us American vegans just watched from the distance, longing with all our hearts to be a part of that drama.
*Internal Conflict Intensifies*
You know what they say, you are what you eat. So when someone calls you a "meat sack" just kindly inform them that you're having an internal crisis because of them and you'll be speaking to your therapist later that week about it.
It's Kind Of A Tell, Karen
Listen, nobody's asking you to buy it so you shouldn't get mad. If you are getting mad then it's fair game if people assume that you're a little... frustrated. Don't worry though, just get angry on Twitter and nobody will be able to tell.
Only Fusion Cooking Can Stop Extremists
This is a vegan's ultimate weapon—fusion cooking. Say goodbye to sushi burritos and kimchi tacos, because a halal vegan sandwich is the newest treat that we're using to piss off everyone. Tastes great too.
The Vegan Who Made Time To Crack Jokes Despite Being Arrested
That's showbiz baby. When you're plant-powered and the funniest person in the room, you have a duty to keep the jokes flowing even while you're watching your clean criminal record being ripped away in front of you. This is a vegan hero right here.
Because You Know It's The Same People
Now it's important to remember not all people of this age group do this—most are cool as heck. But if you're using the internet as your personal rage diary then you're ruining it for the rest of your generation who are saying Namasté and listening to Enya.
When UK McDonald's Had The Audacity To Serve Bean+Pepper Mix As "Vegan Dippers"
This is downright insulting. Twitter let McDonald's know exactly how they felt about potatoes, peppers, and beans being served as an alternative to chicken nuggets. Like... why can't you guys figure this out? How is this harder than making real chicken nuggets? We've all seen the pink goop videos.
What People Who've Never Heard Of Beans Think Veganism Is Like
Thank God water is vegan otherwise we'd all just be drinking nut milk like it's our day job. And who's going to get up at 6 am every day and milk the almonds? That's hard work and super rough on our small, delicate, snowflake, vegan hands.
Technically, Starving Is Gluten-Free, Keto, Vegan, And Atkins Friendly
I mean, it counts if you remember to write down your every day eating habits in a food blog and update your Instagram followers about how spiritual the past 27 hours have been for you. Otherwise...?
Transcending The Mortal Realm=Plant-Based Diet
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World had it right when they hypothesized that going vegan gives you superpowers. There's something about being more environmentally responsible and having better health than those around you that puts you on the same existential plane as Superman. Just saying.
What Non-Vegans Hear When Going Out With Vegan Friends
Going out to eat with friends really doesn't have to be that hard. All we all have to do is go to a restaurant that offers fries or salad, that's it. And a drink menu... because spirits and beer are definitely vegan.
"Carrot Cylinder"
I'm so sorry if your poor reading skills made you accidentally buy a low calorie, low sodium, plant-based, organic, and heart-healthy chorizo sausage that actually probably increased your lifespan because you switched from those tubular meat blends you usually buy. Really, so sorry, us vegans will do better next time.
Anti-Consumerism In The Sheets, Consumer In The Vegan Dollar Menu Section
I mean, when something's vegan, fried, and under $10 in a combo meal then we're going to at least check it out, right? That's how revolutions get started — you have to infiltrate and learn their ways first. And it all starts with fake chicken, baby.
Also Discovered There's An Alternate Way To Spell "Hummus"
I mean, we should all be well aware by now that mushrooms are the most delicious thing to ever grow on this lovely Earth, but who knew hummus had another name? Houmous sounds like the weird nickname it used to have before it entered college and decided that "hummus" sounded more professional.
You Could Say We Have A Type
There's no shame in loving this man because he's, well, incredibly lovable. I can't see any flaws, can you? Well maybe the killer clown thing, but he can always pivot career paths.
Veganism, Now With Heritage
I think her ancestors would be pleased just because she's clearly living a healthy lifestyle and being adventurous in the kitchen. If your family (living or dead) can't see that positive side then they need to reevaluate.
Annoying? I'm Annoyed By This
Meat Loaf, you are missing an incredible opportunity to rename yourself according to your lifestyle. It doesn't even have to be "Vegloaf," it can be "generic-plant-based loaf." Please call me, I have a lot of ideas.
Is Your Social Anxiety Environmentally Responsible?
Eyyyy haha we get it, that's hilarious. The best part of being vegan is that it also gives you access to a wealth of elite tier puns. The dads in the room are quaking, you've transcended them.
