The Hottest Scary Movie Slashers Who Slay In More Ways Than One
Have you ever been watching Stephen King's It and thought that Pennywise was low-key kinda hot? I mean, you've probably already dated clowns, they just didn't hang out in sewers and eat children. This list is for everyone who's watched a scary movie and thought "okay, but if he wasn't crazy..."
So get ready for spooky szn by changing your mind frame about these iconic bad boys and bad gals because there's no way they're all bad all the time. They're major danger daddies and we're intrigued.
Hannibal Lecter Can Put That Lotion On This Skin
We love an intellectual. We really appreciate the strong silent type hanging out in the back of our psychology class dissecting everyone. What's the big deal if his name rhymes with his favorite activity? Hannibal would supply us with a curated lo-fi Spotify playlist and speak sweet intellectual nothings to us. Plus, like, can we talk about the muzzles?
Pluto From The Hills Have Eyes Is Always Game For A Weekend Getaway
When he's not cutting off fingers and luring gas station customers into the desert, Pluto is probably a great vacation buddy. He's always ready to lay out and get a good tan in the Arizona sun, and he knows a little bed and breakfast out in the desert that you can just visit and get away from it all.
Pennywise Would Unclog Your Sink For You Like A Good Domestic Hubby
Let's face it, you're never going to get a man like Pennywise with such an intricate and detailed knowledge of plumbing and the sewer system. He's just so handy and having him around would make life so much easier when the drain gets clogged. Don't even get me started on those piercing eyes...
Jack Torrence From The Shining Would Always Be Down For Some Quality Tub Time
Basically half of The Shining is filmed when Jack is chilling in the bathtub talking to ghosts and trying to unlock the door to calmly speak to his wife about something. We're all here for this man who clearly values his nightly relaxation routine and isn't afraid to get in touch with his feminine side. He's probably got an arsenal of Lush bath bombs too.
Ghostface Would Absolutely Not Ghost You
The writers of the Scream franchise couldn't've picked a worse name for arguably the most loyal and devoted scary movie slasher. He absolutely did not ghost Sidney Prescott and proved himself to be the kind of attentive boyfriend who helped Sidney find herself through high school, college, and adulthood. What a king who's invested in her growth.
The Candyman Can Get It
Honestly, the Candyman is the eco-friendly warrior we all need right now. He's out here trying to save the bees and being a sensitive artistic soul while doing it. We'll all be saying his name five times if that's the kind of selfless cause he's getting behind.
Alien Is The Sweet International Boy You Spend A Summer Abroad With
We're xenophiles for the xenomorph from Alien because he's out here breaking and entering into our hearts with those long legs and that mysterious aura. Who is he? Where's he from? Wherever it is we have a feeling he'd be our international lover we'd tour a romantic foreign countryside with.
Pinhead From Hellraiser May Eat Souls But It's Part Of His Punk Aesthetic
Okay, even though he may technically be a soul stealer, the true snack is Pinhead himself. He's got mad bobbypin style and a gothic leather punk aesthetic to boot. He's the kind of 90's punk boyfriend who'd take us for iced-coffee, hit the underground thrift spots, and then perform a lil' devil worshipping at golden hour. Cuuute.
Big Stable Gay Daddy Babby
We all know and love our gay icon Babadook from The Babadook who found his way into our hearts through his love of telling children stories. He's the kind of babysitter and boyfriend material that would keep the kids entertained throughout the day—that's the kind of patient and stable father figure we need more of in the world.
Chucky Knew What He Was Doin' With That Striped Shirt
We all love a little red-headed bad boy with way too much fire and voodoo running through his plastic veins. Chucky from Child's Play is the boy-next-door you play with every day who grows into a real man when he's older. He's even holding it down like a responsible family man in Bride of Chucky and we respect that growth.
You Know Exactly What Dr. Josef Heiter From The Human Centipede Is Into
This man is out here unafraid to be vocal about what he wants on the operating table and in his life, and honestly, that's brave. He'd be the most accepting partner and always willing to try out whatever. Just don't embarrass him by calling the cops or trying to run away.
Frankenstein's Monster Needs To Drop His Cheekbone Highlight Routine Already
Honestly, dating Frankenstein's monster would be hard because you'd always have to live with the fact that his cheekbones and browbones are just way more sculpted than yours. You'd look amazing together but this man would steal the spotlight with his highlight routine.
Jigsaw Was Just A Soft Boi
Our favorite morally sound mad man holds the title of being the only slasher on this list who's never committed murder, and honestly, it's because he's soft. He's really in tune with how the human body works, obviously, so we're so sure he'd treat you to a candlelit dinner in a hip abandoned warehouse and then a sensual massage. Soooooft.
Michael Myers Is Your Neighbor Lawn Mower Daddy Who's So Into The Holidays
If those broad shoulders and clean mechanic's uniform don't make you do a double-take at Myers, then you should think about how dedicated this king is to celebrating the spooky season. He'd happily take you to a pumpkin patch and cuddle with a PSL before carving pumpkins at home because this man bleeds domesticity.
Freddy Krueger Is A Total Dream Boat And We Stand By That
Krueger may not be out here moisturizing his burns, but he's making up for it with his big moves in fashion. We honestly can't tell whether those pants, striped shirt, and cute newsie hat are distressed because they came that way from Gucci or he just crawled out of the woods. Either way, what a crispy snacc.
We'd Happily Be The Shoulder For Norman Bates To Cry On About His Mommy Issues
You can't really fault Norman Bates from Hitchcock's Psycho for how he treated people—he wasn't really raised right. God, it just breaks our heart to see a little independent hotel entrepreneur suffer so much because of a bad past. Honey, go take a long hot shower and you'll definitely feel better.
Seriously, Jason Would Make Us Try Sports
Listen, don't change for guys, but when someone as fanatic about hockey as Friday the 13th's Jason comes into your life, you want to at least see what your significant other is into. He's the cute hockey boy from summer camp that sang acoustic campfire songs to you and who really just made your time there special.
Leatherface Is The Wild Western Man We've All Been Searching For
We're not saying that we would feel safe with Leatherface around, but we wouldn't not feel safe when he's there. He's the dependable bush-craft Texan man who knows his way around a meat hook and a chainsaw, and knows how to hunt and prepare a good beef stew. God, what a man's man.
The Entity From It Follows Is The Social Chameleon We Can Depend On
A huge plus of having a shapeshifting demon haunt you is that this thing can be whatever you need it to be in any social situation. It's a social chameleon that's so game to wear the red sweater-vest to meet your parents if that's what you want. What a stable plus-one to have.
The Blair Witch Would Connect You To Your Spiritual Side
Not only would the Blair Witch be the literal greatest camping partner because she's always outside building fire-ready wood piles, but she's a spiritual nature queen who'd get you in touch with your inner self. Getaway for a weekend and just chill riverside with her and just tune into you. Namaste.
Black Philip From The Witch Is The Real GOAT
Not only does Black Philip take the actual form of a goat, but that is apparently this entity's spirit animal because of how great they'd be as a significant other. They'd always be trying to get you to be more social and better yourself by joining a volleyball team, a club, or even a coven. What a supportive outgoing spouse.
Hal 9000 Is A Major Rock
Hal 9000 from Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey may be a bit of a micromanager, a lip-reader, and an oxygen-supply-cutter-offer, but he's just out here trying to make sure we achieve our goals. That's the kind of greater-good focus a strong metal pillar of support gives us.
American Psycho Is The Sugar Daddy Type To Treat You To That Lavish Upper East Life
Listen, Patrick Bateman is the resident psychopath in American Psycho, but he's actually a sweet guy when you get the ax out of his hands. He's got that glowing skin and communicates major rich sugar daddy energy and we can't fault him for that. Breakfast at Tiffany's anyone?
Puft For Our Viewing Pleasure
We love a thicc king who's out here not afraid to destroy a city and look cute in the process. This big puft baby from Ghostbusters is the multitasking man we need in our lives who'd take us grocery shopping for marshmallows while we get our tires changed with Mr. Michelin.
The Creeper Can Creep On Me In The Club Anytime
When he's not stalking and trying to throttle you, the creeper seems like he'd be the kind of sensitive soul to whisk you off your feet in the night and fly you to that little hole-in-the-wall bar for late-night drinks. He's that kind sophisticated high-flyer who'd give you the first-class treatment any day.
Samara From The Ring Would Definitely Be Down To Stay In And Watch A Movie
Okay hear me out. She's a vengeful spirit out to remind you exactly what day it is, but honestly? She'd probably be a chill roommate. She'd always look forward to just relaxing on Sundays and watching movies after one hectic workweek of psychological torture.
Count Dracula Would Molliwhop A Sparkly Vampire
The only reason the Twilight saga got as popular as it did was because Bram Stoker's Dracula was here a long time ago putting in work laying healthy thirst traps. This is the alpha male of vampire fantasies and if you're a true fan you respect the original gangster who started it all with that fine hairline.
The Thing Would Be An Endless Source Of Encouragement
The Thing movie absolutely blessed us by introducing us to a king who was absolutely committed to seeing us succeed and that is that on that. The Thing imitates any life it comes in contact with but we're smart enough to know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If it was your boyfriend you'd be endlessly flattered and know you'd be doing your absolute best.
You Know, That One Zombie Zaddy From The Walking Dead
Don't even pretend that you don't remember that one time we saw this legless king because his eyes and his chill vibes were burned into your memory forever. He was literally just collecting some natural rays in the sun in the park before Rick came along and killed the mood. He'd be the boyfriend who's so game for outdoor park dates, and honestly, he deserved to make it to episode two.
Mess Around And Save The Ocean A Little With The Jaws Shark
Okay, okay we know the great white shark from Jaws isn't like a human or whatever, but he's got such great vibes that we had to include him on the list. He's just such an eco-warrior and so completely done with humans and their meddling technology that's killing our oceans that he decided to wild out. Honestly, we'd be right there with him if we got the invite.
