Jokes About Dating That Prove It’s Easier To Die Alone

Dating sucks. We can’t beat around that bush. This isn’t going to be like when a woman is pregnant and all her friends who have had children pretend that giving birth isn’t the worst thing on earth. No no. Dating is the worst.

It’s painful and exhausting and it makes you question the human race as a whole. The only upside is that you can laugh about it, and laugh about other people’s terrible dating experiences.

Answering Those Tough Questions

thermostat agreement
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble

You get to the point where you’ve been single for so long that your standards have monumentally changed from the time you started, and now you’re basically just looking for anyone that you can mildly tolerate.

Seeing Other People

first becomes last date when
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Protogenes1
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Protogenes1

Online dating is tough because you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket, and you get that your date might still be talking to other people. But FIVE dates in one night is a John Tucker Must Die situation.

Harness The Power Of The Fab Five

queer eye = dating for women
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Swainsch
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Swainsch

When you start dating someone new, you often realize that they might need a little… assistance. Dressing a little better, learning how to use a hairbrush, or figuring out how to clean the dishes off their bedroom floor. You know, the usual.

The Newest Dating Craze

netflix dating service
Photo Credit: Pinterest
Photo Credit: Pinterest

One of the most important things that you need to know before you commit to anyone is what shows are they currently watching and what does their Netflix list look like. That will tell you everything you need to know about them.

Who Run The World?

powerful men
Photo Credit: Twitter / @catccohen
Photo Credit: Twitter / @catccohen

Dating can be really bleak if you’re a woman with a busy career or someone in a higher-power position that makes insecure men question their masculinity. Remember ladies, you have a 401K, you don’t need him and his apartment that has a milk crate for a TV stand.

Aim Low To Avoid Disappointment

unpaid internship tweet
Photo Credit: Twitter / @waple_cyrup
Photo Credit: Twitter / @waple_cyrup

Remember in elementary school health class when you were told that girls and boys mature at different rates and that boys mature slower? What they didn’t tell you was that boys don’t catch up until they’re like 30.

Till Death Do Us Part

till death to us part
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BrandyLJensen
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BrandyLJensen

Do you have a glass half empty or glass half full perspective? It all depends on how long you’ve been single for. The longer you’ve been on your own, the more you realize how true this is.

A Couple Of Fish

a couple fish
Photo Credit: Twitter / @emmabetsinger
Photo Credit: Twitter / @emmabetsinger

You slowly begin to realize that though there are plenty of fish, some of those fish — most of them — are not fish that you want to bring home or take to meet your parents. They’re fish you want to flush.

Waste Of Time

dating is weird
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BrynGrayskull
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BrynGrayskull

The worst part about this is that this girl has clearly been out with this man before, which means she wasted not just one but at least two carefully curated outfits on him.

The First Three Letters In Funeral Are F-U-N

funeral fun times
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jessicacazap15
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jessicacazap15

Ladies, if you’re going on a Tinder date you always need to have an escape plan. Have a friend on standby ready to call you so she can get you away from this man’s entire family.

Bold Move

first dates (1)
Photo Credit: Twitter / @nkolakowski
Photo Credit: Twitter / @nkolakowski

This is the level of confidence we should all aspire to have. Aim to have the self esteem to get up in front of a room of strangers that includes your date who you met that evening, and read a poem about your ex boyfriend. It can’t get any better.

He’s No Gordon Ramsay

gordon ramsey is better
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Shardangerous
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Shardangerous

Men in their twenties are out here doing the absolute bare minimum and expecting you to be impressed. Sorry, we’re not down to pretend your bland dinner tastes like anything but the cardboard it is.

Moment Of Weakness

halsey tweet about being single
Photo Credit: Twitter / @halsey
Photo Credit: Twitter / @halsey

Every once in a while you have moments where you wish you were in a relationship, but then you open Tinder to find an unsolicited picture of a man’s genitalia and you realize you’re happy being alone for now.

You Come Here Often?

do you come here often
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble

You go through phases where you delete all the apps on your own, telling yourself that now’s the time you’re going to meet someone organically but then two weeks from now during a 3 am spiral you’ll re-download it.

Build That Fanbase

build the fanbase
Photo Credit: Twitter / @tahkahseh
Photo Credit: Twitter / @tahkahseh

Dating is really just a way to continue to build your Instagram following. No one ever remembers to unfollow people on Instagram after they’ve mutually ghosted each other, so now you have dudes you haven’t spoken to since that 3 week period in March watching your story.

Guess Who?

Guess who but for dating
Photo Credit: Twitter / @holy_schnitt
Photo Credit: Twitter / @holy_schnitt

Meeting people at a bar is such a risky situation because you truly have no idea what you talked about, and you only vaguely remember what he looks like. So now you’re stuck basically going on a blind date.

Time To Switch To Decaf

serial dating problems
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble

There are only so many things that you can do on a first date, and coffee always seems like an easy choice. But maybe it’s time to switch to bubble tea or just a water date.

Too Much Too Soon

how much to show how quick
Photo Credit: Tumblr / sunflowersyntax
Photo Credit: Tumblr / sunflowersyntax

It’s hard to know how much you should reveal to someone and how quickly as well. You need to show them you’re weird in case they’re weird too, but if they’re humor isn’t as dark as yours then it can get really awkward.

Figuring Out The App Is Just As Difficult

how do dating apps actually work
Photo Credit: Twitter / @CalumMcSwiggan
Photo Credit: Twitter / @CalumMcSwiggan

It’s hard to figure out every feature on a dating app, and sometimes it feels like whoever designs them has never actually used them before. Does anyone ever actually mean to use the SuperLike feature on Tinder? Doubtful.

Hopefully He’s Funnier In Person

you gave birth to a horse?
Photo Credit: imgur
Photo Credit: imgur

Sometimes humor is difficult to convey over text or in an app, but there are also times where you just know immediately that this is not the person for you. This is one of those times.

Am I Doing This Right?

catfishing tweet
Photo Twitter / @MichaelaOkla
Photo Twitter / @MichaelaOkla

Interacting with people on dating apps just leaves you with questions and no answers basically. You’re never going to completely understand what’s going on, and you certainly don’t understand how to make it actually work for you.

Simpler Times

third grade dating
Photo Credit: Instagram / @mytherapistsays
Photo Credit: Instagram / @mytherapistsays

Quite frankly, if we went back to the third-grade method of dating that involved a “check yes or no” note, it would be for the better. It’s straightforward, no one gets ghosted, and no one has to get their feelings that hurt. It’s perfect.

Is Dating Just Networking?

mortgage payments
Photo Credit: Twitter / @GrupGirl
Photo Credit: Twitter / @GrupGirl

The date didn’t go as well as she’d hoped, but she got a much better rate on her mortgage, so can this really count as a bad date? It’s really just a great networking session.

What’re You Looking For?

whatre your intentions
Photo Credit: Instagram
Photo Credit: Instagram

“So what’re you looking for?” is basically the question no one knows the answer to, and no one wants to be asked. Everyone is confused, and no one knows what they want or why they’re still on this app.

There’s A Science Behind It

take the picture brittaany!!!
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tank.sinatra
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tank.sinatra

You quickly have to learn how many times it’s appropriate to text someone without them answering. You have to walk that fine line between interested and crazy ex-girlfriend. After 3 days, you’ve probably already texted him a couple of times so now you have to remind him of how wonderful you are so he’ll answer you.

Communication Is Seriously Lacking

communication non existent for men
Photo Credit: Twitter / @holy_schnitt
Photo Credit: Twitter / @holy_schnitt

Why do men — nay, boys — think it’s acceptable to respond in incomplete sentences, or with one-word answers? They need to learn to text better or they’re never going to find a wife. At least not a literate one.

Are We Just Friends?

exlusivity
Photo Credit: Twitter / @that1mum
Photo Credit: Twitter / @that1mum

Nowadays, you always have to have the “are we exclusive/dating” talk because otherwise, men are out there doing whatever they want and then claiming they didn’t know they were in a relationship even though he’s come to your family Thanksgiving.

It Could Be A Lot Worse

it could be wrost
Photo Credit: Instagram / @hilarious_ecards1
Photo Credit: Instagram / @hilarious_ecards1

The advantage to dating apps or online dating is that no matter how sad you’re feeling about being single, you’re probably going to come across someone who is a lot weirder than you.

Organic Rejection

rejection at it's finest
Photo Credit: Instagram / @elitedaily
Photo Credit: Instagram / @elitedaily

You’re going to get rejected, unfortunately. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but hopefully, they’ll be nice about their rejection or just ghost you, unlike this man who decided to be a savage.

Ready To Be Hurt Again

ready to be hurt again
Photo Credit: Instagram / @memes
Photo Credit: Instagram / @memes

No matter how many times you get ghosted or how many bad dates you go on where he “forgets” to bring his wallet, in a couple of weeks you’ll be ready to do it again, mostly because you have no other choice.