Jokes About Self-Care Because Laughter Basically Is Self-Care
What exactly is self-care? Universities tell students to practice self-care during exam season, Cosmo tells us to treat ourselves because the holiday season is stressful, but then suddenly you're spending $200 at Sephora and calling it self-care even though part of what you were stressed about was your bank account.
Self-care is really just a state of mind, and since your mind is already pretty messy, your self-care practices probably are too.
You Can Try Again Tomorrow
You told yourself you'd finally clean your room after reading that article on Snapchat about how a clean space equals a clean mind, but then you find your journal from grade 9 and you never actually get around to doing laundry.
You Have To Suffer Through It
Becoming an adult means learning to love yourself and love your flaws, but this is one of those things you're never going to learn how to deal with because no one knows how. Sometimes self-love is ignoring your problems.
Flee The Country, For Self-Care
Remember ladies: no one has the authority to judge you for your self-care practices. Self-care means something different to everyone, and if your version of self-care is dropping out of school and moving to Argentina, that's up to you. You do you boo.
A Difference Of Opinion
You know that your self-care practices need to be changed when even NASA is throwing shade at you. Thanks for the suggestion NASA, but a bath isn't going to cure climate change is it?
Taking Time Away From Social Media
Sure, you spend an unhealthy amount of time on Twitter and Instagram, but how are people supposed to know you're enjoying your spontaneous, relaxing, rejuvenating vacation if you're not posting about it?
A Cup Of Tea A Day Keeps Anxiety Away
Every self-care article ever written says that drinking tea will help you, but then you make a cup of tea and spend twenty minutes thinking about everything wrong in your life while you wait for your hot hay water to be cold enough to drink.
Maximum Comfort Acheived
If you're going to go into a deep spiral about your life, you should at least be comfortable while you do it. More blankets and candles = more self-care vibes.
Treat Yo Self
The phrase "treat yourself" can apply to basically anything in your life where it could maybe possibly be perceived as you doing something nice for yourself, even if it was completely unwarranted and not helpful at all.
Face Masks Cure Depression
Your boyfriend broke up with you? Face mask. You're failing two of your classes? Face mask. You're in a deep, dark anxiety spiral? Face mask. It probably won't solve your problems but at least you'll have clear skin so you can pretend your life isn't a mess.
Doing The Bare Minimum Is Still Doing Something
Self care is opening your textbook, reading approximately one whole page, highlighting a few words, and then taking the next 6 hours off to watch Grey's Anatomy because you earned that study break, sis.
Be Kind To Yourself
We don't judge our dogs for sleeping all day or eating too many treats or for not always playing well with others when they unexpectedly see people in public, so why do we judge ourselves?
Tailoring Netflix To Your Needs
If Netflix sees that you're watching any sort of home improvement show like Tiny House Nation or shows like Queer Eye or Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, it should immediately know you're going through dark times and it should stop suggesting you watch John Wick.
Self Care Is For The Boys
Self care is for the Queer Eye boys specifically. You just watched all of Queer Eye: We're In Japan! and now you're inspired to redo your life, except you're not going to redo your diet because that's too difficult. Sorry Antoni.
It's The Little Things
You have to learn to take the little victories in life. Did you get out of bed? That's a task off your list. Did you get back into bed? That's another task finished.
Bubble Baths Fix Everything
No, a bubble bath isn't going to write your paper for you, and it's not going to find you a new job or a stable income, but that doesn't matter. Be quiet and enjoy sitting in a tub of water while you think about your life problems.
Yoga Pants Means You're Fit Right?
So you didn't make it to the gym today, but you put on that Blogilates YouTube video ad and laid on your yoga mat for 30 minutes so you're basically a fitness influencer now.
What's The Point Anyways?
Even when you do get a consistent 8 hours of sleep and eat three (somewhat) healthy meals a day, your body aches like an 85-year-old so you might as well eat those chocolate bars because self-care is about balance.
Spend That Pay Check, For Self-Care
There is no limit to how much you can treat yourself, but there is a limit on how much your bank will let you treat yourself. It's so rude of your credit card company to limit you from buying yet another pair of a Lululemon leggings for the sake of self-care.
A Self-Care Pro Tip
Pull a Mary Poppins and turn anything into a game. Pretend that self-care is a fun game you're playing with yourself, instead of something that is vital for your mental and physical health.
Working Out As Self-Care
You told yourself part of your self-care routine is that you're finally going to get back into going to the gym, but then you go for the first time in weeks (okay, months) and you realize you don't know how anything works so your only choice is to take a mirror selfie and leave.